


Player No.5

by sin0sijak



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Bullying, Chaeyoung's actually nice she doesn't know how to be sometimes though, KJH has anger issues... kinda... don't trash talk his friends, M/M, TW: Slurs, a little clueless at times, bts nct sf9 etc are just side characters on the basketball team, everybody's favorite - an elite university au, some blood and violence, with super rich Junhoe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-01-06 17:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18392810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sin0sijak/pseuds/sin0sijak
Summary: There are several ways this could go down. (1) Donghyuk could get thrown out of the window and make it onto the newspaper as part of a legendary ‘defenestration of Seoul University’ (2) He could get on his knees and beg until he sets his palms on fire (3) He could accept Koo Junhoe’s offer and be his literal “right hand man” for a month. The decision was easy, of course.“Just throw me out the window,” Donghyuk surrendered, wondering if it’s also his duty to actually open it.“You’re not dying,” Junhoe scowls, getting up and pulling him in by the collar of his shirt, “you’re going to pay for what you did.”





	1. Toy

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Violence, blood, bullying, slurs, cursing
> 
> Although it's a university AU it's sadly not all candy and rainbows :( for a while, anyway

He believes the term, overseas in America at least, is “march madness.” To Kim Donghyuk though, this is just “plain madness.”

 

He knew that Seoul-K University had a famous basketball team. He knew that girls and boys and all the non-binary peeps alike held an extreme fascination for said basketball team. It was even rumored that the team was offered a commercial deal for a medium sized Korean clothing brand, but declined due to their student status.

 

What Kim Donghyuk did not know though, was the extent to their fame and the extent to this ‘madness.’ This fever that gripped the whole student body and shook them by the collars of their red and black shirts was truly fascinating as much as it was disturbing. Why was everybody screaming like they didn’t need their vocal cords the next day? Why was everybody shoving?! Why was this happening on this specific Friday night when he knew for a fact that half the kids didn’t start their College Composition paper due by noon tomorrow? More importantly though, if Donghyuk was neither a fan of basketball nor the team iKON, why was he here?

 

The smack aimed perfectly for his right shoulder is the answer. “CHEER ALONG, DONG!” Jinhyeong raises his fist in the air and lets out a loud whoop. For what exactly? Donghyuk has no idea. The flurry of uniforms following a bouncing orange ball all look like a mad scramble of nonsense to him.

 

“Are we winning?!” Donghyuk asks, shouting against the stray ‘yays’ and ‘boos.’ Some kids in the nearby vicinity give him a weak glare, and his face flushes. That must mean no. His best friend kindly sighs before throwing an arm over his shoulders and leaning in. “See those guys in white and red?” Donghyuk nods purposefully because he may have been ignorant to the rules of this game, but he wasn’t colorblind. “That’s our team, iKON. Whenever they have the ball we cheer.”

 

“Even if we’re not winning?” Donghyuk asks again (this time knowing to whisper into Jinhyeong’s ear). He needs confirmation. He has a list of big fears; one of them being ‘sticking out in a huge crowd by acting in a way that’s not standard.’ Knowing this trait about him, Jinhyeong silently (and very patiently) nods his head. “Yes, Dong. Even if we’re not winning. We’re here for moral suppoRT!! YES!!! KIM JIWON!!”

 

Donghyuk pulls away with a hiss, protecting his ears from the sudden shouts that erupted around him - Jinhyeong’s being the loudest thanks to the close proximity. He’s shocked by the number of people professing their love for the player who just made a perfectly clean 3 pointer. While Donghyuk’s being secretly proud of himself for noticing that iKON’s points just shot up by an interval of three, his eyes trail after the player whose name is being chanted like a mantra by his fellow students.

 

The “KIM” flashes above a bold looking 3 printed in black and outlined in red. It’s a stark contrast against the fresh blinding white of the home team jerseys. He doesn't want to, but while skimming all the players it was inevitably going to happen. He chances a glance upon the bold 5 that's on a player's back and flinches in surprise as kids around him all stand in unison to cheer on said player. Okay, so he must have been keeping up with some sort of flow because at least he was watching the right guy. The 'KOO' seems obnoxiously big on the white piece of fluttering fabric, maybe because it was being emphasized by everybody on his half of the room. The game moved way too quickly for Donghyuk to keep up with, but it seemed that there was a pattern here that made him more uncomfortable as time passed. Only two people really ever got their hands on the ball - KIM and KOO - their names were being shouted like a mantra by the crowd around him, and Donghyuk felt small, out of place, dazed even by the sheer intensity of the pandemonium around him. This was not how he intended to spend Friday nights.

 

Unlike what he pictured in high school, Donghyuk learned pretty quickly that university life is tiring and it doesn't get much better. People are still people wherever you go. They suck. There are moments where he suddenly feels drained of all energy as if some invisible force suddenly sapped the willpower out of him. For reasons unknown, this was one of those moments. Maybe it was the unending chanting, the heat, the aggressive faces screaming all sorts of profanity, the flashy white fabric binding him with their choppy movements that matched the squeaking of their shoes skidding across glossy hardwood. Students shrieking, Koo Junhoe’s yelling and simultaneously being yelled at by hyped teammates, it all crashes over Donghyuk like a cold dark wave of panic.

 

“I-I… I have to go…” Donghyuk swims against the force of a dozen kids. It’s almost like time had slowed. If this was a movie the editor would be sipping his jug of coffee while adding a slow motion effect. Like all embarrassing moments, this one happened at half speed. Approximately the speed of a mythical mermaid lazily flipping it's tail in calm green waters. In other words, unbelievably slow. The students moved in sync to stare as he flew through the air, tripping over the kids throwing themselves about on the bleachers. When he tumbles down the stairs there’s a collective groan, but it doesn’t sound very sympathetic to him at all. There's more frustration and annoynce mixed in the crowd.

 

He’s a somewhat optimistic person though so he’s glad he doesn’t actually land himself inside the court. Doesn’t make the fact that he tripped down the last few bleachers and ended up sitting smack in the middle of the floor on the sidelines any better though.

 

Vaguely, he hears Jinhyeong shouting and cursing at kids to “fucking move” out of his “motherfucking way” - those were exact quotes. Nobody dared to touch the Jung Jinhyeong, and the red sea of students split within a second (you could tell Donghyuk that his best friend was Moses, and he would have believed you at that point).

 

To his dread, the teams are calling a timeout and a short coach wearing the famous school colors jogs over to where he’s standing, “Donghyuk, you okay? You took quite the fall there.”

 

Donghyuk thinks he’s going to pass out from the heat; his face is literally burning off of his skull. He wishes he wasn’t an idiot, wishes he could speak for himself, wishes he could say something. 'It's Jinhwan hyung, just say something! Just say one word! Grunt! Please!' All the dialogue happens in his head though, and all he could muster is a blank stare that only serves to peak Jinhwan's concern.

 

“He’s fine!’ Jinhyeong all but growls out of protective instinct at the coach (and their history major TA, Donghyuk wants to feebly remind Jinhyeong to be nice because their whole entire grades are on the line here, but of course his friend doesn't care who he's being brash to, of course). Jinhwan puts his hands up in mock surrender, backing up to give Jinhyeong space to pull Donghyuk onto his feet. Ah. It’s then that Donghyuk realizes he’s still sitting on the floor where he fell like a small child that needed to be taken care of, and it’s then that he realizes the whole game had stopped just to see what he’d do.

 

Nothing could make this worse.

 

Nothing, except a few stray tears that fall from his eyes. He closes his mouth and prevents himself from breathing in a vain effort to stop the tears, but they’ll overflow any second-

 

Jinhyeong throws an arm around Donghyuk’s shoulder and forces him to hunch down, carefully bringing Donghyuk’s face into his chest and out of view from the prying, teasing, curious eyes. Donghyuk takes the time to silently thank God for sending an all knowing friend like Jinhyeong who could tell he was about to burst out into tears in front of the whole student body just by the change in his breathing. He also takes a mental note to thank Jinhyeong for hitting the gym, and often at that, because Donghyuk’s feet can’t sustain himself. It’s like he doesn’t know how to use them anymore or who they belong to, so Jinhyeong has to literally drag him out through a side door.

 

***

 

“I’m sorry,” Donghyuk mummers, his head feeling heavy as it rests on Jinhyeong’s shoulder. He feels like Jinhyeong will ask ‘what for’ and dreads the answer he’s going to have to come up with. To be honest, he doesn’t really know. He doesn’t understand his random panic attacks just like nobody understands them.

 

“Don’t be.” Jinhyeong leans his own head against Donghyuk’s and pats his thigh, “don’t be.”

 

Actually. Scratch that. Maybe somebody understood them. Donghyuk closes his eyes and sighs. Maybe someday he'll understand just as well as his best friend does.

 

* * *

 

 

Junhoe didn’t see it himself, but it was basically like he had. Actually, he could draw it out in his mind more vividly than if he had actually seen it because everybody was talking about it. At one point it almost seemed like everybody came to the game to watch Kim Donghyuk and Jung Jinhyeong instead of the actual game itself.

 

He really wished everybody would shut up about it.

 

Not only did their team lose to the fucking Gangnam-Gu Gaters, but they lost because of him. No, to be more exact they lost because of Kim Donghyuk. Junhoe's mind was scattered after he heard that the boy had tripped down four entire sets of bleachers. Four. Was he okay? Was he ALIVE? Even? How was his back? His weak scrawny looking legs? It really wasn’t his fault at all that he couldn’t concentrate, and he was allowed to blame Donghyuk. That fucking loser. Stealing the spotlight. Junhoe knows he sounds like unreasonable and petulant, like a child, but does he care? Oh, absolutely not.

 

But here’s the thing about Koo Junhoe. He didn’t really live by the golden rule. At all. Whatever he was allowed to do - other’s weren’t really allowed to follow.

 

“It’s all his fault!”

“I can’t believe Kim Donghyuk! I wish he’d burn!!”

“We were doing great the first half and he brought bad luck during the second!”

“Right? Right?”

“The mood was completely shattered because of him!”

The cheerleaders and fangirls are fuming as they rip apart placards and game slogans. Junhoe flinches as he sees the huge black sign with his name in neon being torn straight into two pieces.

 

“Aish… should we just throw him off our roof?”

“He’s a scholarship kid anyway, the news can just say he couldn’t take the pressure of being around elites,” the girls snort like what they were saying was normal. And maybe because of their long purse string - it was. To them, anyway. Junhoe shudders despite the damp spring air.

"Or we can run him over with a car!"

 

Junhoe turns around at the horrid (and highly illegal suggestion), stopping in his tracks and wondering if he has to step in to stop them. Thankfully, it seems one of the girls still has half a brain (and really, shouldn’t all students in university know how to use theirs by now?)

 

“We can’t touch him though…” it’s a whisper now, and Junhoe strains to hear them as he pretends to stop and tie his shoelaces; a meaningless act because he was going to throw off his basketball shoes in a matter of seconds anyway.

 

“Why not?” one of them asks, curiosity making her hushed voice peak

 

“He’s Jung Jinhyeong’s-”

 

“Hey,” Junhoe stands and glares down at them. They all flinch, some in adoration for being noticed, some in fear that he overheard their not-so-secret conversation “could you guys not stand here?” Junhoe asks. It’s a weird request, so he throws whatever excuse he has in mind at them, “you’re all really loud.”

 

Who is he to demand quiet in a public place? The answer is two words.

 

He’s Koo Junhoe. _**THE**_ Koo Junhoe. The youngest, and most influential Koo in (arguably) the world. The girls are so abominable to him, he didn't spare them a glance as they scurry out of his way.

 

***

 

The locker rooms aren’t any better.

 

His teammates are frustrated, for sure, but none of them could really blame him. He practically carried the whole team on his back the entire length of the season. They can’t say anything about him. They wouldn’t really dare because if he simply decided he had enough of matching their laughable skills and left the team then Seoul-K University, collectively, could kiss their basketball career goodbye. It was really that one-sided. Himself, Yoongi, Bobby - they were the only players who could hold a ball without fumbling, and although Hanbin was an improving stand in point-guard he was still recovering from a horrible injury. There was no way Hanbin was gonna be on court any time soon, especially not to replace Koo Junhoe.

 

Junhoe sits himself down on one of the horizontal benches, facing his locker and yanking it open. Usually when they win the locker rooms are rowdy, but when they lose it’s even worse. Sports players and their big mouths that run on bigger egos. Ugh. Junhoe detests nothing more than them.

 

“Kim Dong-whatever ruined our flow completely, dude!”

“I had it! I had this game until he ruined our mood!”

“How are the cheerleaders supposed to cheer when they're spirits are all damp, man?”

 

Some guys laugh and tease Minsoo saying he only gets his energy from the cheerleaders. Junhoe rolls his eyes. He must play the game with his di-

 

“Heard Jinhyeong’s boy toy can split his legs like a cheerleader though, maybe he wanted our attention,” the boys collectively groan and complain.

 

Junhoe slams his locker shut, but nobody notices above the noise of disgusting laughter.

 

Like dayflies to a light they all swarm around and take a bite out of the joke thinking it’s truly funny. Some players are shaking their butts - coach Jinhwan’s watching them all with disgust, but unable to do anything because his presence is almost non-existent amongst the ‘all over 6 ft’ players. Hanbin was still at home recovering, so there goes that sliver of hope. Where was Bobby when you needed him? Nothing better than a serious Bobby to call them all around to shut up and focus on their strategy, but no~ Bobby just had to be showering.

 

“Jinhyeong’s boy toy’s pretty though, don’t you think?” One of them snickers and nudges Minsoo who makes a puking sound (gagging sound?) who knows - they’re all animals to Junhoe. Half of the team was decent (and Junhoe’s not just saying this because half of the team was his friends) half of the team, which sadly included seniors who acted as coaches because they ‘couldn’t run’ for a concoction of excuse - they were trash.

 

Minsoo is the trash leader. What would you call that? A garbage man, because he collects all the trash? Yes. Minsoo is a garbage of a man who is surrounded by lesser pieces of garbage. In conclusion, Minsoo and his whole following should all be burned. Not even recycled. Burned. In hell. Preferably. All Junhoe wants to do is snap the lid shut and kick Minsoo to the curb, or off the planet. Whichever was more convenient in cutting off Minsoo’s air supply because he clearly did not use oxygen wisely.

 

“Maybe that’s why Jung Jinhyeong is wrapped around his finger-”

“Wrapped around his coc-?”

 

“Stop it.” - “Shut up”

 

Junhoe and Yoongi speak at the same time. Junhoe flinches in surprise because he didn’t notice Yoongi came back from the shower stalls. It would have been nice if everybody turned to him because Yoongi had some semblance of authority within the team being a fourth year, but no. Of course not. Of course Minsoo wouldn’t turn to his same-aged classmate, but instead decides to glare at Junhoe - the 2nd year. Of fucking course.

 

Junhoe didn’t mean to be caught into a glare battle with his asshole of a senior, but here he was, and he definitely didn’t plan to back down. His friends tell him it's his fatal flaw. They say he might even get killed one day by picking the wrong fights. It hasn't happened yet though. Junhoe just think they're being dramatic, really. Still, the longer the silent staring contest goes on, the more lazy he gets and the more lazy he gets at the drawn out battle the more he feels like he shouldn't have meddled with Minsoo. Or maybe he should have been like Yoongi Hyung and opted to a more neutral “stop it” instead of the bitterly harsh “shut up” but from his point of view that was a very toned down version. To justify himself, In his mind it had gone more like - “shut the f**k up you idiotic t*at.” At least he didn't say that, right? Minsoo steps closer, and Junhoe really thinks he did a good job at toning it down.

 

“What the hell Koo? Why you being so sensitive?”

 

Junhoe stays silent, and he honestly wishes Yoongi Hyung would be the type of person that had such an overpowering sense of justice he’d step up immediately and take charge. But that was always going to stay as a wistful dream. He knows Yoongi Hyung does it because he wants Junhoe to grow, be a man, stick up for himself or whatever, but it’s ~~slightly~~ very annoying. Mostly because Junhoe gets himself into a lot of trouble, and Yoongi always watches from the sidelines like he’s watching a fire burning from across a pond. Some friend, right? Junhoe’s exactly the same though, so he can’t complain.

 

“Aye - you gonna answer?” Minsoo jabs a stubby finger into his shoulder and Junhoe’s nostrils flare as he lets out a slow, heated breath.

 

“Ahhh, seriously. Look at this ass. What is it that pissed off Mr. Seoul-K Prince, huh? Is it losing? Losing in front of your girlfriend?”

 

Junhoe flattens his palm against his thigh in an attempt not to send a fist flying at Minsoo’s smirk. It was a really annoying smirk. One that resonates deeply within his chest with a feeling of ‘I-think-murder-could-be-okay-in-this-case.’

 

“Ahhh is it because you lost thinking about Jinhyeong’s pretty little boy toy? Did you see when he fell? His flushed face, you know I bet”

 

“HOLY FUCK!”

“HEY!”

“CHILL OUT MAN!”

“KOO JUNHOE!”

 

Junhoe easily ignores the hands grabbing at him from all directions, and pulls Minsoo back off the floor so he could send him flying back a second time. The first time really wasn’t satisfying enough because he didn’t feel anything break. Minsoo’s nose, his head, his teeth, maybe if his fucking neck would snap in half Junhoe would be satisfied, but until then he’d keep hitting. He didn’t know if the blood was coming from his raw knuckles or Minsoo’s disoriented nose, but momentum was a dangerous thing, and there was no stopping something that was already in motion. His sight was blinded by red when Yoongi and Jinhwan frantically look for Bobby who finally hauls his ass off of Kim Minsoo’s chest.

 

Junhoe shoves Bobby’s arm away from his chest and spits on Minsoo as the other groans in pain, attempting to find his orientation and sit up.

 

“If I hear the words ‘boy toy’ from you again I’ll crush your trachea so you’ll shut up forever, got it?” He wants to step on Minsoo's thing as he walks out for good measure, but Bobby's preventing him which is probably for the better. Junhoe doesn't really want to end up in jail for manslaughter or anything, so he supposes he should thank Bobby at some point. This was not the time, though.

 

He doesn’t wait for an answer. He doesn’t need to. Minsoo probably won’t be able to talk at all for a good while anyway his nasal cavity probably caved in on itself. 

 

The locker room doors slams shut to announce Junhoe's leave. The collective breath everybody was holding now dissipates into the sticky air as some people curse towards Junhoe's long gone back and help Minsoo sit up. Half the team wearily sits back with their arms crossed thinking that, really, Minsoo and his stupid mouth brought this upon himself. There's no pity for a man who digs his own grave; not in this team.

 

“I’ve never seen Junhoe that mad,” Rowoon whispers as he watches Minsoo being helped out by his group of desperate underlings.

 

“Don’t you know?” Johnny whispers, inching closer to his tall friend, “Jinhyeong and Junhoe used to be best friends.”

 

Jinhwan sighs, “No, Johnny. Jinhyeong and Junhoe have always hated each other.”

 

“Whatttt?” Johnny asks, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment “must have heard a false rumor then! I swear I heard Junhoe used to have a good friend he split with,” Johnny tries to shrug it off as Rowoon laughs and hands him a towel, "aren't you referring to his ex-girlfriend?" The two continue to talk animatedly as they enter the shower stalls, but Jinhwan just grimaces at the conversation.

 

False rumors. There were a lot of those surrounding their star player. Jinhwan watches the firmly closed door for a second more before he gingerly picks up the lock that was still placed on a bench instead of hanging from Junhoe’s black locker. “Oh, Junhoe… you poor kiddo.”

 

_Jinhwan looks down on the two boys and narrows his eyes. He’s only 10 but somehow serving as the mediator for a pair of annoying 6 year olds who are seething where they stand. Junhoe looks like he's ready to throw his shovel at Jinhyeong who looks like he'll personally dig a tomb in the sandbox for Junhoe. Not a pretty sight._

 

_“What’s the matter here?”_

 

_“I was playing and Jung Jinhyeong tripped me! It was on purpose!”_

 

_“How do you know it’s on purpose?!”_

 

_“You laughed!”_

 

_“You looked funny!”_

 

_Jinhwan rubs at his temples in an attempt to sooth his oncoming headache._

 

_“Boys-”_

 

_“See? Saying I look funny when I’m in pain is mean!”_

 

_“It’s being truthful!”_

 

_“BOYS-”_

 

_“Truthful my foot! Our teacher said to only say nice things!”_

 

_“Well our teacher said to never lie!”_

 

_“B.O.Y.S!” Jinhwan’s voice cracks with the screech and both boys turn to him looking like deers caught in headlights- eyes wide and mouths frozen in mid-argument._

 

_“Why do you guys hate each other so much?” Jinhwan sighs, “this is just another petty little argument that could be prevented if you-” Jinhwan points his accusatory finger at Junhoe first “were just more patient, and you-” the finger transfers over to Jinhyeong who’s trying to play his innocent face “were a little kinder with your words.”_

 

_“I just hate him,” Junhoe mutters._

 

_“Same,” Jinhyeong screams, sticking out his tongue._

 

_“OH YEAH?”_

 

_“YEAH!”_

 

_Jinhwan puts his hands up in surrender and walks away, but not before hearing the waning fight come to a mediocre ending._

 

_“WHY? I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING TO YOU!”_

 

_“You have…” Jinhyeong looks down at his designer shoes that are now chalked with mud, “you just won’t share!”_

 

_Junhoe levels a scary glare (and if a six year old, an innocent, supposedly blameless six year old child ,could serve looks to kill, it would be none other than Koo Junhoe.) “Yeah? And I hate you because you’re always trying to steal what's mine!”_

 

_Jinhwan wants to smash his forehead against the gate of his home. Petty six year olds. Was he like that a few years ago?_

 

_Little did Jinhwan know that these little arguments would eventually nurture a dangerous relationship. Junhoe and Jinhyeong continued to hate each other as they kept growing. The comparisons, the jealousy, the people and circumstances surrounding them fueled a fire of hatred that nobody knows the origin to. Even as they attended different high schools, their social class was equal which meant the circles and cliques they hung out around were about the same. Someone was always, unfortunately to the distaste of both boys, filling them in about each other._

 

_“I heard Jinhyeong topped his school exams”_

_“I heard Junhoe was voted student body president”_

 

 _“I heard Jinhyeong bought a new car”_ _  
_ _“Dude, have you seen Junhoe’s new airplane?”_

 

_“Jinhyeong’s girlfriend is hot”_

_“I think Junhoe’s is hotter”_

_“Didn’t they break up already?”_

_“Nahh they lasted a full four months! Still going strong, from what I hear.”_

 

_“Koo Junhoe chose Seoul-K”_

_“Seriously? I thought Yeonsu wanted him”_

_“But dude, wouldn’t you go to Seoul-K too?”_

_“Totally… I heard Jung Jinhyeong’s going to Seoul-K as well!”_

_“Seriously?”_

_“Yeah, and he’s even bringing around his little servant.”_

_“No way, do you think he’s paying for that kid’s tuition too?”_

_“His family could totally do it, they just wanna brag that they send even their help to Seoul-K”_

_“Damn, Junhoe’s the only one in his family going to a Seoul uni, right?”_

_“No, bro! Kim Jinhwan’s his cousin.”_

_“Oh! Wait, so is it family backing?”_

_“Doubt it. It’s dangerous to get caught meddling with education these days.”_

_“That’s true. Anyway, it’ll be fun seeing those two back at each other’s throats.”_

_“Remember middle school?”_

_“Yeah… Jung Jinhyeong was always smarter.”_

_“True, but Koo Junhoe, that crazy bastard, was hella strong.”_

_“Is it true he hospitalized Jung Jinhyeong once?”_

_“I heard he threw him out the window!”_

_“No fucking way!”_

 

Rumors were always surrounding the two. Some baseless. Some truer than others. Some a awkward mixture of both so that it couldn’t be considered a lie, yet wasn’t really the truth either. Regardless, one thing was for sure. Koo Junhoe hated Jung Jinhyeong. Always had. Always would. Because of this, Koo Junhoe hated Kim Donghyuk who was always in the shadow of Jinhyeong, always obediently following one step behind. So why was he flooring Minsoo for trash talking?

 

Jinhwan spins the lock again for good measure and sighs, “you confusing bastard.” Nobody knows what’s going on in Koo Junhoe’s mind, but as stated above. He didn’t live by the golden rule. He could hate anybody, but nobody hated the people around him without his permission. A motto truly fitting of Seoul-K University’s royalty, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thankfully(?) most of the people aren't so much homophobic as they are classist (not that being classist is any better or anything but at least it can be solved.... just gotta... completely ruin the bully's entire company.... just kidding that is never the answer, but I promise people get nicer as they "become woke")


	2. Three options

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mild cursing, bullying

Chaeyoung’s grip gets tighter the longer Junhoe holds his silence, but he doesn’t have the heart to tell her she’s making it worse. For a show-window girlfriend (and future fiance) she’s displaying an awful lot of concern. Too much for Junhoe’s comfort, in fact.

 

“You’re really not going to tell me what happened?”

 

Junhoe tries not to look at her because she already knew him so well. Chaeyoung was a smart person, a psych major, and way more emotionally stable than himself. She’d definitely see through him - even more so if he were to lie.

 

“I fought with Minsoo... He’s hurt way more than I am...” he hesitates before adding on an afterthought, “I’m sorry.”

 

Park Minsoo. Chaeyoung’s own paternal cousin. It doesn’t take much for even dense Junhoe to know that Minsoo’s not the only bad guy in the world. He’s pretty shitty himself. Junhoe tries to retract his hand from her hold, but she actually pulls him closer.

 

“Minsoo oppa’s a bully. I’ll apologize on his behalf, okay?”

 

Junhoe sighs, but finally spares her a glance that doesn’t last more than a few seconds. He feels sorry for her, and every time they meet it’s the same. They’re perfect for each other, Junhoe knows that. He knows it better than anybody else in the world. It’s what he’s been told since the first day he met her. Yet, he can’t describe exactly why he pities her too. Why is he guilty of feeling this? Others, aka his close friends, ask him what’s the matter with him. They ask if something’s wrong, and he honestly can’t answer. What IS the matter with him? He can’t tell it to you straight.

 

Of all the girls he’s messed with though, at least Chaeyoung isn’t a joke. She really isn’t. Not to him. Not this time. This time Junhoe doesn’t intend on breaking her heart just so he could feel something - anything - from it. He was past that stage in life. He was also a little more humane than that now. Plus, a lot of time had passed since the incident. Plenty of time for him to grow.

 

“Wanna go get something to eat?” He asks, using the excuse of feeling around for his wallet to let go of her hand.

 

Chaeyoung perks up and smiles, flipping her dusty strawberry blonde hair behind her shoulder easily. Her smile is really pretty, and the ice queen reserves it for him, but again, why does Junhoe look away? “Okay! Let’s get pasta!” Chaeyoung bounds ahead towards her parked mercedes, and Junhoe can’t help but smile a little at that. She’s always so truthful, always so sure of what she wants. He’s just really sorry that she choose him, and really sorry that this time he can’t give her what she hoped for.

 

* * *

 

"Midterms are the devils way of targeting young adults." That is the conclusion Donghyuk typed into his essay before backspacing the whole sentence and smashing his head onto the desk.

 

“That doesn’t sound healthy.”

“Yeah, your head definitely sounded heavy,” Chanwoo adds.

 

Donghyuk looks up to see his two best friends, who were coincidentally his two only friends, emerge and take their pick out of all the empty chairs surrounding his table. Jung Jinhyeong looks fresh and well put together, as always, his growing hair tucked neatly behind his ears that twinkle with sparkling diamonds. Chanwoo also looks like your typical well off kid. His family was part of the ‘old rich’ of korea. He didn’t own a huge company, or stocks, or franchise - he was almost legitimate nobility from the past era. In short, Chanwoo could dress like he owned half of the Gangnam district - because he did. Land owners. Scary bastards really.

 

“Why do you look like your going to the met gala and not in a library at 3 pm on a Thursday?” Donghyuk asks, getting hyper specific as his annoyance and sensitivity peaks. Chanwoo just shrugs nonchalantly and looks down at his outfit before locking gazes with Jinhyeong as if to silently ask ‘is this too much?’

 

Jinhyeong crinkles his face a little and shakes his hand as if to say ‘kinda, but who cares man.’

 

Donghyuk rolled his eyes. They were his only friends, and they were really loving, open minded, and chill - but sometimes they made it so painfully obvious they lived their lives surrounded by gold. Not just golden spoons, but golden shoes, golden homes, golden rides - their whole net worth was probably that of a small nation.

 

“You look terrible though,” Chanwoo points out. This is typical of the great Jung Chanwoo, a savage of savages. Donghyuk would throw his highlighter at the guy, but that would be a waste of his perfectly fine studying tool, so he refrains himself from taking action.

 

“You better keep studying, your class is a morning one, right?”

 

Donghyuk groans in agony. The way Chanwoo reminded him just sounded like mockery, and it was not welcome here. At all. Chanwoo snickers and Jinhyeong somewhat reassuring pats Donghyuk’s head. “Fighting, Dong. You got this!”

 

* * *

 

Donghyuk’s convinced that dancing has somehow aged his body tenfold. It’s not his fault he gets tired more easily now! He used to pull all nighters left and right when he was in high school. And all for what? It wasn’t even for very important things back then. Talking with Jinhyeong while lazing on his bed, going around to midnight libraries and pretending to read while actually gossiping about school, going to the PC cafe. Once they almost got arrested trying to fulfill Jinhyeong’s crazy romantic fantasy which involved stargazing on a rooftop. There’s a very limited amount of directions one can run in when stuck on a rooftop, so that incident was a close call. Regardless, the point was that when he was just two years younger Donghyuk had no problem stay up a full day and then resuming with the next.

 

Now he felt as if he could melt into the ground and seep through the tiny cracks of the sidewalk. His legs wobbled, steps faltered, and his eyes dropped insistently. The sole thing that was propelling him forward was the reminder that this midterm was 25% of his grade, and the coffee. He usually got hot chocolate, maybe a sweet chocolate mocha at best, but this full cup of americano was what he was counting on to make or break his morning exam. Not very reassuring, but it was better than doing without. Apparently without milk and syrup and stuff to cool it though, the americano ended up being a bazillion degrees, approximately equivalent to the sun.

 

“Be careful, it’s really hot,” the barista had warned, double cupping it and adding those cute environmentally friendly sleeves over it. Donghyuk handled it with care like he was holding a baby… or a nuke… whichever seems more fitting with his facial expression that screamed sheer horror.

 

“Did you know you can get third degree burns from coffee?” Jinhyeong chimed in happily. He had finished midterms yesterday and decided to come out with Donghyuk for ‘moral support’ as he walked him to class. Very supportive, he was.

 

Donghyuk carefully cradles the cup(s) in his hand. It was good to know that the black liquid tasting of bitter death could apparently cause it as well. Smashing. Wonderful. Divine.

 

“If you’re going to be annoying, just leave!” Donghyuk huffs, although he doesn’t really mean it. He gets test anxiety easily, and that means he gets jumpy, jittery, frantic, and doesn’t really pay attention to where he’s going. It was so bad once he walked into the wrong building to take his test while reviewing in his mind and somehow aced an engineering final instead of the composition writing he was supposed to be doing. It would have been nice if Jinhyeong could help guide his way today, but the heavens really weren’t on his side and Jinhyeong pulls on an awkward, apologetic smile.

 

It’s a smile Donghyuk knows all too well, and detests. He hates that he has the ability to make Jinhyeong feel guilty and sorry towards him. He hates that Jinhyeong adores him to that extent. It’s a little bit burdensome, and Donghyuk doesn’t want to be that type of person who’s always endlessly receiving from his best friend. Jinhyeong already did enough for him; Donghyuk would be selfish to want or expect more. Just as much as he adored Jinhyeong, he wanted them to stay like this. Not expecting anything more or less from the relationship. Just best friends. No feeling sorry, no feelings of obligation or responsibility, no feeling bad. That was too complicated for Donghyuk especially when in regards to Jinhyeong. Donghyuk really couldn't lose Jinhyeong as well. The boy was 1/2 of all he had.

 

“Okay, you really have to go somewhere, don’t you?” Donghyuk asks, already waving Jinhyeong off.

 

Jinhyeong’s eyes widen for a second before he’s shaking his head, “No, no! I can totally drop you off first! My father will-”

 

Donghyuk stops him short by simply raising a hand, “If the boss man wants to see you, then you better not be late! He’ll scold me for it!”

 

Jinhyeong closes his mouth and scrunches his face like he wants to make an excuse that will pardon him from being tardy, but Donghyuk’s absolutely right. He also doesn’t want to do anything to bring more stress and harm Donghyuk’s way when the boy was already on edge for his huge midterm. “Alright… I’ll pick you up after, then! Two hours, right?”

 

Donghyuk nods solemnly, “two hours.”

 

* * *

 

Often people told Donghyuk that Jinhyeong was like his good luck charm. Jinhyeong was the golden light to his darkness. The fresh water to his dry life. People were absolutely right. Ever since he was little his family had always classified as dirt. Not low class, not animals, but dirt. That thing that wasn’t even alive, wasn’t breathing, wasn’t pretty to look at or nice to touch. Dirt didn’t even smell nice! Donghyuk had dirt literally smeared on his face many times from begging outside, dirt stuck between his fingernails from crawling around. All until he was 5 years old.

 

The very moment his life turned around forever, Jung Jinhyeong was a part of it.

 

_ “What are you doing here?” The boy asks. His nose is sharp, but the gaze that travels down it is even sharper. Unlike himself, dressed in tattered pieces of cloth that ruffled in the autumn wind and missing a shoe, the boy who spoke to him seemed to literally sparkle from head to toe. He adorned bright colors matching his bright red shoes. _

 

_ “Sorry…” Donghyuk sheepishly gets up to go ask for money in a different neighborhood crosswalk when the boy holds his shoulder. Donghyuk pulls away shocked, concerned that he dirtied the boy’s hands, but the boy just stares curiously before continuing, “I didn’t ask you to apologize, I asked what you were doing.” _

 

_ “B...begging…” Donghyuk speaks, barely above a whisper. His voice is so hushed the sound of stray cars passing by on their luxury wheels drowns him out. _

 

_ “What? Speak clearly,” The boy is persistent, and a woman stands by his side patiently, her hands clasped together in front of her, “young master he-” _

 

_ “Shh… he can speak for himself,” the boy’s words are sharp, definite, but they hold a softness to them, as if he’s slowly trying to convince Donghyuk to confidently state his business. But how can Donghyuk be confident when he was nothing to this rich ‘young master’? He could picture the laughter, the pointed finger, the smirk. Who knew though, maybe the young boy (who looked around his age) would feel some sort of pity and throw him a coin. Gulping down a huge lump of saliva, Donghyuk decides it’s worth it. “I was begging.” _

 

_ “Why?” The question comes almost immediately, and Donghyuk isn’t sure how he’d answer. There was never a reason his mother sent him out to beg. The whole family did it. His father, his mother, himself, and he always made the most because no matter how messed up the world was, people didn’t like seeing children in bad places.  _

 

_ “We need money,” Donghyuk answered honestly. He was beginning to wonder if he should just start running because this was a waste of time. The rich neighborhoods always looked like they had a lot of money to throw away, but they always threw it away on themselves. It was better to beg in average places, where people still remembered where they came from - Donghyuk had been a little too selfish that day. He decided, for the last time, he’d answer with the simplest reason and dream he could come up with. _

 

_ “We don’t have a place to live.” The boy looks at him quizzically as if he was just finding out that people in the world he lived in didn't all have a shelter to dwell in. “We’re saving for a house.” _

 

_ Donghyuk’s seconds from sprinting away at embarrassment when the boy grips his shoulder once again, and this time he keeps his hand there as if he too was afraid Donghyuk would disappear. “Stay with us then.” _

 

_ “HUH?!” Donghyuk screams, wondering if he heard right. _

 

_ The boy beams, his eyes turning into crescent moons, “I said you should live with us! Come on!" The boy moves his hand down so it's clutching Donghyuk's. He then looks around like he's forgotten something important and only stops when his eyes land on another boy, likely a friend, who steps out of the shadows and comes closer. The new friend is curiously staring at Donghyuk, but his face was different. His face had a tinge of distaste on it as if the boy with the nice smile and soft hands was somehow picking up trash. _

 

_ "You're really taking him home?" the new boy, a little shorter than the nice one, asks. _

 

_ "Of course! Now shut up and introduce yourself to... to... uhh," _

 

_ "Donghyuk," he helpfully supplies to the distressed looking boy. _

 

_ "Donghyuk! Introduce yourself to Donghyuk and be nice to him~ he's living with me now!" _

 

That was the day it all started, and Donghyuk still smiles fondly at the memory he’s revisited a countless number of times. Just two young boys, worlds apart, brought together by a random act of kindness. Lots had changed during the years, some things painful (like losing his father in a car accident) and some things wonderful (like growing ever closer to his two best friends Chanwoo and Jinhyeong, nice vacations, never going to sleep hungry, and most importantly - getting a good education, and being able to come to Seoul-K University - things he couldn’t have dreamed of before). 

 

Some things never changed, even with the passage of time, though. Donghyuk’s mother still worked as a helper / maid, and he still lived in a huge 'dream' house. Although he was slowly forgetting the pains of poverty that took hold of a part of his childhood, he was homeless. He called this new place ‘his house,’ but really it belonged to Jinhyeong. The Jungs. He only had luxury because he still had Jinhyeong. It's no wonder everybody said that Donghyuk always had a good luck charm who was a person. Perhaps that was true. Because the moment Jinhyeong left his side, as if it were a lie, his mundane morning flipped upside down within a fraction of a second.

 

“WATCH OUT!”

 

Donghyuk had watched Jinhyeong run to his parked car until the other was but a small dot against a crowd of sleepy students. Without thinking he turned around and it only took a matter of seconds for him to realize just who he’d run into.

 

“I’M SO SORRY!” Donghyuk yells, blinking in confusion. It was like a magic trick because there was not a single drop of hot coffee on his being while Junhoe… “You’re drenched! Are you okay?!”

 

Junhoe’s face was scrunched in pain and it looked like he was holding his breath as he clutched the cup and his hand together. “Fuck…Kim Donghyuk… you-”

 

“Donghyuk spilled his coffee on Koo Junhoe!”

 

One of Junhoe’s ever present fangirls is seething as she marches towards them. Like it’s her duty, she builds a wall between Junhoe and Donghyuk, glaring up at him with her arms on her waist. Her hoard of friends follow and are simultaneously followed by a crowd of suddenly very interested students. Donghyuk’s face heats and his throat closes so that all the apologizes he was about to spill start clogging up.

 

Junhoe’s gasping and muttering curses, but he manages to squint at Donghyuk and he thinks he sees Junhoe mouth something along the lines of “okay…?” Donghyuk can’t make out of it’s a question or a statement or maybe even the end of a threat because the crowd is pushing left and right to see what state their star basketball sweetheart is in. Donghyuk grips the hem of his shirt and wants to step closer, but Junhoe’s avid group of very protective fangirls have successfully shoved him to the side as they usher Junhoe towards the nurse’s office.

 

Donghyuk checks his watch and notes that he has about 10 minutes until the exam starts, but his feet won’t move from where they’re planted. Even as he watches the dark cloud of students morph around Junhoe who sticks out above them like a pillar, Donghyuk can’t go and merge with the group. He can’t usher himself forward to help Junhoe get to the school’s medical wards, nor can he bring himself to completely turn around and head to class like nothing happened. But Junhoe has so many people adoring him, concerned for him, crying in pain with him; Donghyuk feels it’s not his place to stick around anymore.

 

When Junhoe turns around to see the person who caused this mess, they’re walking in the other direction. Fuck. That hurts like hell. The burn, of course, nothing else.

 

* * *

 

 

Donghyuk hands in the exam and runs out of the class before the rest of the students. It was a breeze, and he had nothing to worry about. Well. Scratch that. He had one thing to worry about and that was his possible death. Rumors spread fast when everybody important within the student body was included in a massive Kakao Talk group chat based around their major. The fashion major tells the engineer major who tells the linguistic majors who tell the dance majors and so on. Donghyuk walks in to the class with a minute to spare. He therefore has to sit through a minute of not-so-friendly glares that are shot in his direction before being pulled back down to a phone screen. Donghyuk knows that everybody knows he harmed Koo Junhoe. The guy who almost single handedly saved the talentless basketball team. The guy who was voted as ‘male student you want to go on a date with the most this spring’ by all the girls starting from freshman to graduating seniors. The guy who was supposed to be taking this history exam with them, but couldn’t make it anymore. Donghyuk had basically touched a university elite, so he could probably kiss his life goodbye. Jinhyeong gets his phone and other valuables. His mom gets his lifetime savings. Chanwoo should clear his browser history. Love you, mom.

 

With that vividly scary train of thought in mind and death following his tail Donghyuk had finished and all but sprinted out of the room whilst his fellow students were struggling with the Han Dynasty essay. His first instinct is to call Jinhyeong and ask if he could be picked up early, but he freezes upon seeing the guest who were all so kindly waiting for him in the hallway.

 

“How can you even take a test in this situation?”

 

Accusations start flying left and right

 

“Do you even have a conscious?”

 

“You did it on purpose, didn’t you?”

 

“Did Jung Jinhyeong make you do it?”

 

Donghyuk feels his body lose power as they shove him into a chair and yank his hair, pull at his shirt, slap his shoulders and arms, scratch at his torso. “No… I…” He wishes there was a blank space between the flying curses so that he could explain himself, but nobody will let him in. He catches his breath and hopes for a nice death. Maybe they’ll wheel him into the middle of the road and he’ll be hit by a speeding bus. Or even better, maybe they’ll just drown him into a pool while tied to the chair so that he can go in the arms of one of the most calming elements mother nature could provide. Wow. He was one depressing motherfucker.

 

“Our Junhoe oppa will teach you a lesson!”

 

“Yeah, let’s let Junhoe oppa take out the stress and anger he feels himself!”

 

“Junhoe oppa will take care of you.”

 

Donghyuk tries to weakly protest, but he knows a losing battle when he sees one. The sheer number of females surrounding him is overwhelming. In fact, as sad as it was, this was the most amount of attention he’s gotten from the opposite sex, and it wasn’t even all because of him. This was all thanks to Koo Junhoe. They were worked up about their campus crush. Typical. Donghyuk hangs his head in shame and recedes into his hoodie as the girls boldly march him through school grounds. Unlike Junhoe who was wrapped in a cloud of admiration and adoration - Donghyuk felt like he would suffocate in the midst of hostility as they rolled him closer to his demise.

 

* * *

 

 

The nurse is friendly, but obviously not inclined to believe his whole story. “So you tripped and scraped your knuckles, and also happened to spill burning hot coffee over them? All at once?”

 

Junhoe wants to sound convincing, but his yes has a hanging question mark at the end. The nurse doesn’t push it and continues wrapping the bandages around his hands. “Well your hands were busted pretty good and the coffee burned you badly. Not to mention it seeped into your wounds causing more damage. Lay off hard activities for a while, okay?”

 

Junhoe stays silent and looks down at his hands that were hidden behind crisp white cloth. It wasn’t a new sight for him, but damn. It hurt like hell. The nurse must take his silence for sadness because she puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder and tries to smile warmly, “I know it’s a hard thing to ask from a basketball player, but no sports. You’ll recover way faster if you don’t push yourself.” Junhoe awkwardly smiles and asks her if he could just rest in one of the pods. She nods and tells him to stay as long as he needed, probably worried about his emotional health more than anything else because his blank face was slightly unsettling. She supposed people all dealt with shock and grief differently.

 

Junhoe lets her draw the curtain, hears that she’ll be going out to grab a late brunch, and silently thanks the world for this opportunity. He lets out a deep sigh that was probably there ever since he started school. After almost two full years of non stop hustling, training, jumping, shooting. Finally. Some quite. A real excuse to sit on the bench that always seemed so appealing when he was dying to catch a breath on court. The only depressing thing is the overly sterile environment he was currently in that smelled of alcohol and stiff paper sheets. He leans back against the wall and closes his eyes, trying to firstly enjoy the tranquility of this hidden space that’s tucked away from the rest of the university when suddenly the door opens, wheels are rolled in, and then the lock clicks after a slam.

 

Junhoe frowns and wonders if maybe the nurse was back. He decides it’s too awkward to greet her again so he should probably pretend like he’s sleeping, but something’s strange about the deafening silence that stretches out in the room.

 

“Junhoe?”

 

Junhoe snaps his eyes open and quickly yanks the curtains aside with his left hand. He comes face to face with the intruder who stares at him, eyes wide and watery - swimming with an unreadable emotion. “What do you want?” He finds himself spitting out venomously.

 

Donghyuk flinches and gets up from the chair, visibly shaking. Junhoe swallows the pity and his instinct to reach up so he can push the boy back down onto something solid. He really looks like he’ll fall over any minute, and if somebody from the outside saw this scene they’d think Donghyuk was the patient, not Junhoe himself.

 

“I came to see how you were… after… the incident.”

 

Junhoe hides his stinging hand behind his back and looks at Donghyuk through slitted eyes, “which incident, the one from this morning, or the one from four years ago?”

 

Donghyuk flinches at the fact that Junhoe can so easily bring up a topic he’s been trying to wrap up and compartmentalize in the darkest part of his soul for the longest time. He also balls his fist because how dare Junhoe so easily hurt him again like this? Who gave him the right? And most importantly, why did Junhoe sound hurt when he was the one who caused this mess. He was the one who hurt Donghyuk and Jinhyeong; Junhoe had no right to bring up the incident that Donghyuk had so meticulously tried to forget. Jinhyeong still lived with the scar on his chest, and spent days in the hospital for it. Donghyuk wasn’t going to give Junhoe that power.

 

“This morning… definitely the incident from this morning,” Donghyuk deadpans, and as if another being had entered his body- the shaking immediately went away, replaced by his straight stature and the naturally elegant pose of a dancer. Junhoe raises an eyebrow but easily shrugs like he’s not surprised nor particularly disappointed by the answer.

 

“If you’re really curious it’s a bad burn. I can’t play basketball. Probably for this whole season.”

 

Donghyuk’s face whitens and the small amount of confidence he had of facing Junhoe (both his and his best friend’s enemy) again melts away. Junhoe’s passive face that suddenly seemed unsettling with an uncanny chill that resembled a serial killer left Donghyuk rooted to his spot. He’s a smart guy, and logically speaking the answer is once again, death (or something close).

 

There are several ways this could go down. (1) Donghyuk could get thrown out of the window and make it onto the newspaper as part of a legendary ‘defenestration of Seoul University’ (2) He could get on his knees and beg until he sets his palms on fire. “Just throw me out the window, and take that as my apology please” Donghyuk surrendered, wondering if it’s also his duty to actually open it.

  
  


“You’re not dying,” Junhoe scowls, getting up and pulling him in by the collar of his shirt, even with his comparably weaker left hand Donghyuk came flying up - face to face with Junhoe. “You’re going to pay for what you did.”

 

Suddenly there was an option three. “I can’t use my right hand anymore, so I’ll need yours.” And although Donghyuk can be a morbid guy (blame it on a hard freshman year) he doesn’t think Junhoe’s asking for him to chop off his limb and somehow transplant it onto Junhoe’s own body. It was highly more likely that Junhoe needed a shuttle, a lacky, a victim to whatever harassment Koo Junhoe was going to send his way. Basically a servant. 

  
  


Option (3) He could accept Koo Junhoe’s offer and be his literal “right hand man” for a while. The decision was easy, of course.

 

“Fine. Be your servant, swell.”

 

Junhoe smirks and lets Donghyuk fall back into the squeaky chair, “yeah… swell… Now find a piece of paper so you can copy down the contract.”

 

“Yes si- WAIT! CONTRACT?!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How often is TOO often? I'm just really excited to be able to write again ^^
> 
> Wonder what Junhoe did to Donghyuk and Jinhyeong... Did he really throw Jinhyeong out the window? Hummmm


	3. Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update was kind of late~ I had a lot on my plate ㅠㅠ it's nearing the end of the semester so all my projects and assignments are really beginning to pile on, but I didn't forget this fic! Promise!

Junhoe was fairly considerate and let Donghyuk lay down some basic laws first. Was that being considerate though, or was he just trying to see what his limitations could be so that he could add on every little thing he wanted that wouldn’t make Donghyuk run for the hills? Nobody can say.

 

**Rule 1: No touching, shoving, pushing**

 

Junhoe looks over Donghyuk’s shoulder as he writes and frowns. “You really think I’m going to harm you whatever chance I get?” Junhoe asks, like he’s offended Donghyuk would even think so poorly of him. Donghyuk shrugs, “I can never be too careful.” Junhoe’s frown deepens at that. What has this kid been living through? An apocalypse? 

 

“You should add the word ‘unnecessary’ in there, just in case,” Junhoe supplies, trying to sound nonchalant, helpful even. Donghyuk puts down the pen and turns around to face the towering basketball prodigy. He hopes the annoyance is apparent on his face. Junhoe doesn’t even flinch when making eye contact, so maybe Donghyuk has to work harder on an intimidating glare. “Why? In what situation, ever, will you have to put your hands on me?”

 

Junhoe shrugs, and stays silent so Donghyuk turns back to the crisp white A4 when an answer finally seems to have formulated in Junhoe’s mind, “seeing as you tripped right into me, I suppose I should grab you if you were ever to fall or injure yourself.”

  
  


Donghyuk lets out a deep breath and wants to come up with a snappy retort, but Junhoe’s logic is actually fairly sound for once. “Fine.” Although he doubted Junhoe had enough kindness in his heart to save Donghyuk when he was in trouble due to clumsiness, he’d give the man the benefit of the doubt since he seemingly wanted to be a hero so badly.

 

**Rule 1: No ‘unnecessary’ touching, shoving, pushing**

 

**Rule 2: No being mean to Jung Jinhyeong**

 

Junhoe snatches the pen out of Donghyuk’s hand and slams down a new piece of paper. “No.”

 

“Why? These are my rules! You said I get three rules!” Donghyuk argues, swatting the blank page away from him and uncovering his growing contract. Junhoe’s grip on the pen tightens, and so does his lips. His jaw clenches so hard Donghyuk could hear his molars begin to grind. “Why do you even hate him so much?” Donghyuk asks.

 

Junhoe looks down incredulously like he couldn’t believe that Donghyuk, out of all the people, Kim Donghyuk was asking this question. Donghyuk finds the silence strange and once again looks up to see a frustrated Junhoe. “You really don’t know, huh,” he whispers, and Donghyuk pretends like he can’t hear that. He’s not stupid, and it’s annoying when people act like he is. The world loved talking to him in riddles, but why couldn’t anybody tell him something like it was? Straight to his face?

 

“Give me back the pen Koo Junhoe and let me write my last rule.”

 

Junhoe reluctantly hands over the writing utensil, although the disdain on his face was evident and clearly not ever going to go away any time soon.

 

**Rule 3: When Koo Junhoe’s right arm is fully healed this contract is terminated, and we’ll never see each other again.**

 

“As much as possible,” Junhoe curtly adds.

 

“What?” Donghyuk lifts his eyebrow in confusion

 

Junhoe takes a deep breath to calm himself, “as much as possible. We go to the same fucking school I don’t want you bitching about me ‘breaking the rule’ if I happen to see you in the halls after we’re through.”

 

“Ah,” Of course. He wouldn’t be Koo Junhoe if he wasn’t perfect in every way and meticulous about official stuff like this. Whatever Koo Junhoe signed he reviewed it until every t was crossed and i was dotted - it had to be perfect. Even as children Junhoe’s composition entries were flawless while Donghyuk’s used to be littered with spelling errors and uneven script.

 

**Rule 3: When Koo Junhoe’s right arm is fully healed this contract is terminated, and we’ll never see each other again (as much as possible while both parties are attending Seoul-K).**

 

Seeing as Junhoe couldn’t write well anymore, Donghyuk had to copy his demands verbatim. However, that didn’t mean he had to agree with all of them. The first request started out as ridiculous, and there wasn’t even a way to verify that Donghyuk would keep it!

 

“I am not writing that the fourth rule should be ‘Koo Junhoe is more important to Kim Donghyuk than Jung Jinhyeong’! The person who’s important to me is my own decision!”

 

Junhoe glares before finally sitting on the adjacent chair.

 

“You’re overly sentimental, aren’t you? Who said that it meant personal importance. I’m relying on you to do a whole bunch of stuff for me, so whatever plans you make or things you have to do for Jinhyeong it should come after you’re done helping me. Let’s separate work and personal life, please?”

 

“Ahh,” Donghyuk can’t help the heated blush that spread across his face. Of course. Of course he was thinking way too much into this. Why would Koo Junhoe, the boy who literally had everything he demanded at the tips of his fingers, ask for anything more from him than just a body for labor? After all they’ve been through, there were still some things that could never change and some lines that were never meant to be crossed. For example, the line between their social classes and the line between friendship and employment. All he ever was to Koo Junhoe was a poor boy who waited on those above him. Even now, when he was living with Jinhyeong and basically a Jung, he couldn’t be Junhoe’s equal. It was unclear who put that label there, but wethere it was himself, Junhoe, or the society around them, Donghyuk had all intentions to keep that distance. He already learned once that getting dangerously close only lead to dissapointment. 

 

**Rule 4: Koo Junhoe is more important to Kim Donghyuk than Jung Jinhyeong (in all work related fields)**

 

When Donghyuk looks up he suspects his eyes are playing tricks on him because he swears he saw a satisfied smile spread across Junhoe’s sharp face, but with a blink it looks like it’s gone. Perhaps it wasn’t there in the first place. Although Junhoe looks like he’s having an awfully hard time keeping the tips of his lips facing downwards, who is Donghyuk to decipher his expression? He hadn’t seen Junhoe in years, and that was both intentional as it was harsh. But Junhoe was just as bad to him. Throughout high school (and a year of college), his face had changed so much. From an awkward, lanky, somewhat cute teenager, he definitely changed into a man. There was something suffocatingly sad about being able to recognize Junhoe while at the same time finding his face unfamiliar. Donghyuk hated it. And he hated Junhoe for it without caring if it was right to do so.

 

“Rule 5 is... you have to move in.”

 

Donghyuk stops after putting down the number and looks up. No wonder Junhoe hesitated.

 

“Move in?”

 

“I said what I said.”

 

Junhoe’s looking at a poster on the wall, but Donghyuk’s almost a hundred percent positive that he finds nothing interesting about washing hands with soap and keeping clean. Koo Junhoe was doing what he did best. Avoiding situations that were hard for him to explain.

 

“Why the hell would I do that?”

 

Junhoe finally looks over as if he’s made up his mind (or formulated his argument since it seems his mind was already dead set on torturing Donghyuk). “How many things in your morning routine can you do confidently with only one arm?” Junhoe’s voice is thick with layers of frustration that’s also apparently evident from the reddening of his neck.

 

Donghyuk tries to think of a long list in the time given - he really does. It’s almost baffling how little a person could do with one functioning upper limb when they were so used to having two. “Eat? At least you won’t starve?” Donghyuk tries, but Junhoe looks at him with a stare that basically tells him he won’t waste a breath by answering.

 

**Rule 5: During the contract Kim Donghyuk will move in with Koo Junhoe**

 

Although he was stubborn Donghyuk knew which battles to pick and with whom. A logical Koo Junhoe wouldn’t go down, no matter how much Donghyuk would try to appeal to his sympathetic and humane side (that must have been hidden in there somewhere).

 

**Rule 6: As long as Koo Junhoe can make a logical argument about it, he can make Kim Donghyuk do anything for him**

 

Those were the great Koo Junhoe’s words verbatim, and something about them made it seem like all the other rules were suddenly worthless. If Donghyuk remembered anything about Junhoe it was that he could argue his way out of or into anything. His dream used to be a lawyer, after all. Donghyuk puts his pen down as he realizes he’s not sure if that’s still Junhoe’s dream anymore. Had he moved onto basketball? He hadn’t been particularly into the sport when they were younger, but he supposed that Junhoe could have grown an affinity for it. He definitely was good at it - and Junhoe only ever did what he was sure to be good at.

“This logical argument thing is getting to me,” Donghyuk mutters, even as he lets go of any hope of changing the terms.

 

“So, are you not going to sign it?” Junhoe questions, the unbothered smirk on his face really packing a strong blow to Donghyuk’s well preserved pride. It, of course, won’t intimidate Junhoe one bit (considering he’s almost a whole head shorter than the male basketball player), but Donghyuk attempts his game face anyway. Is it his just his imagination that Junhoe flinches when he definitely scrawls a signature and even stamps his thumb for good measure?

 

* * *

 

“Well, this is awkward,” Junhoe’s voice doesn’t raise above a neutral tone that says ‘board’ and it’s quite frankly more intimidating than everybody in the room combined. Chanwoo gets up knowing full well that despite being completely able bodied, Jinhyeong would still most likely lose to a left handed Junhoe.

 

“Jinhyeong, let him go.”

 

Donghyuk fiddles with the straps of his stuffed duffle bag hoping that if he avoided all eye contact the whole ensemble would simply forget about his existence in general. Obviously, that was too much to ask for. While the front of his shirt was still tightly balled up in Jinhyeong’s fist, Junhoe turns his head slightly to glare at Donghyuk accusingly. It was like he was silently asking ‘why aren’t you fixing this mess?’ Donghyuk wish he had a good excuse. How was he supposed to fix this, and where was he supposed to start? The silence stretches on for a few more seconds as Jinhyeong attempts to rattle Junhoe further.

 

Junhoe gives up on waiting patiently for Donghyuk to answer - not that his patients was particularly long lasting to begin with anyway, but Donghyuk was really thinning it out. “I’m taking your helper.”

 

Donghyuk’s grip tightens around his bag, and if he could, he would fling the heavy thing right at Junhoe’s big head. Seems like not only his gaze, but the man’s vocabulary had also turned much colder, trashier, bitter. To think that there was a time when Donghyuk actually liked Junhoe saying his name was appalling to him and left an acrid taste behind his tongue.

 

“Over my dead body, Koo Junhoe.”

 

Chanwoo puts his hand on Jinhyeong’s shoulder in an attempt to calm the heated battle of spirits because he wasn’t ready just yet to send off one of his best friends at the ripe age of 21. Junhoe looked like he was ready to hold a funeral within the next few hours though, so it was clear that not everybody in the dorm shared the same sentiment.

 

“You really mean that?” Junhoe starts leaning closer when suddenly Donghyuk firmly grips his bicep. “It’ll only be for a short while.”

 

“Wha-” Jinhyeong looks like he’s just been kicked in the stomach, or run over by a car, or hit with a blizzard in the middle of April. Or it was quite possible that he looked like all three at once. His face was an indescribable pale white. Donghyuk looks away and carefully hides his face behind Junhoe’s large figure.

 

“I’m sorry. It happened that way.”

 

“I’ll return him when I’m done,” Junhoe clips professionally (read: like a jerk).

 

The stunned silence that had temporarily immobilized all of them shifted to a chaotic mess after Jinhyeong attempted to punch Junhoe. For a second it looked like Junhoe was about to instinctively dodge the fist completely and leave Donghyuk vulnerable for an accidental attack, but even the almighty Junhoe himself wasn’t fast enough because he does end up getting hit. Thankfully, it’s his arm and not his face which he claimed was one of his biggest assets. What Donghyuk isn’t thankful about is that Junhoe’s on the floor groaning in pain while clutching his bandaged arm.

 

“JINHYEONG!” Donghyuk sharply yells and even Chanwoo, who was trying to stop Jinhyeong from continuing with his stupid abuse, freezes to stare at their usually soft spoken friend. Donghyuk lets out a deep breath from his nose, and helps Junhoe up before continuing firmly in a quieter voice, “enough. It’s already decided.”

 

* * *

 

If there was one word to describe Jinhyeong’s feelings as Donghyuk walked out with Koo Junhoe in tow it was heartache. He hadn’t felt anything like it in a while, and as much as the feeling was foreign he despised it. “Donghyuk must have his reasons,” Chanwoo reassures Jinghyeong with a pat to his back. It’s not comforting in the slightest. In fact, whatever people offered to him as comfort wouldn’t have sufficed because Jinhyeong could not figure out one reason why Donghyuk would voluntarily go to Junhoe. That meant that Junhoe must have been threatening Donghyuk with something. Jinhyeong had to find out and save Donghyuk from Junhoe's dubious clutches. What could the Koo possibly have against Donghyuk though? Jinhyeong didn't even know where to begin. Unlike half the rich kids in their school, Donghyuk was completely clean in every aspect. He wasn't a cheater (because he didn't need to be one - he was perfect), he didn't sell his answers or assignments (because he didn't need dirty money), Donghyuk didn't even drink that heavily let alone experiment with drugs like the peers his age liked to oh-so-foolishly do. 

 

“You don’t understand,” Jinhyeong growls, his fists tightening. Chanwoo yelps when Jinhyeong’s nails break skin and draw blood from the fleshly parts of his palm. “You don’t know what Koo Junhoe did to Donghyuk.”

 

“You’re right” Chanwoo snapped while quickly unfurling Jinhyeong’s hands so he’d stop harming himself. “I have no idea what happened to you three while I was gone, but Donghyuk’s a grown ass man and you baby him too much. Let them figure it out. How long do you plan on protecting him in your overbearing manner?”

 

Jinhyeong wordlessly shuts his mouth and prevents himself from spilling any more. A past like theirs could never go away, nor could it be healed. Jinhyeong knows. Actually, he knows this better than anybody else involved. The scars on his skin, the cracks in his conscious, and the intricate lies he managed to rope together in a vain attempt to hold everything afloat - only he knows this. Seeing Koo Junhoe on the basketball team during the first game he attended freshmen year made him feel like rubber bands were snapping in his web. One day, Donghyuk would have to know too, right? Then whose side will Donghyuk take? Jinhyeong had planned to eventually ease Donghyuk into the truth, but perhaps the lies had become too comfortable for him. For Donghyuk. Even for Koo Junhoe (or so Jinhyeong had thought). Maybe that wasn't the case anymore - Seeing as how Junhoe decided to invite himself back into their lives. Why now, though? Why at all? Jinhyeong can't tell if he's shaking in pain or in fear anymore, but he wants to stop.

 

“If Koo Junhoe changes his words now, I’ll actually kill him..."

 

Chanwoo pretends he didn’t hear anything because although he just came back from studying overseas about a year ago, if he remembered anything about spending summers with Jinhyeong it was that the boy did everything he swore to do. Be it scuba diving without oxygen or jumping off the side of a jagged cliff. This time, it felt like Jinhyeong was once again on the edge of something grand, and Chanwoo knew he had no means to stop him, so he doesn't ask why or how or even when.

 

"What are you going to do?" Chanwoo musters up all the courage and confidence he has to voice the question that was testing his own friendship with Jinhyeong.

 

"I'm going to find out what dirt Junhoe has on Donghyuk, and I'm going to save him."

 

Chanwoo didn't have the heart to tell Jinhyeong that sometimes it felt like he was harming more than helping. Donghyuk had to eventually learn to stand, run, then leap on his own. They say tigers drop their cubs from a cliff and watch them land. One day, Donghyuk would have to fall, and Jinhyeong will have to watch. Chanwoo couldn't tell you who would be more unprepared (the cub or the observer), but the uneasy look in Jinhyeong's eyes spoke for themselves.


	4. Growing up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Domestic abuse, public humiliation/abuse
> 
> (aka Junhoe has some bad parents, yo)
> 
> This is a shorter chapter, but it's almost finals week ㅠㅠ in two weeks it's summer break! Hopefully after that my chapters can get a little more longer and intricate! Nothing really happens in this chapter - perhaps a HINT of fluff if you squint and look closely  
> 

Donghyuk realizes that Junhoe’s an early riser now. That fact had come to him as a complete surprise along with the massive hand shaking him awake at dawn. By the time Donghyuk opens his eyes, Junhoe’s staring down at him with a look closer to disapproval than anger, yet it was still something Donghyuk wished to avoid at all costs because he knew what disappointing Junhoe lead to. He had seen the results first hand.

 

“What is it?” Donghyuk rubs his eyes. Surely the world has stopped turning if Junhoe was up before the sun. This is the same Junhoe who used to have to follow him to school while Donghyuk ran ahead with Junhoe’s tie in his hands, slowly becoming a shape that was close to fitting around Junhoe’s neck. They had a system back then, Junhoe forging on while shoving food down his mouth as Donghyuk waited for him to finish, tossing him the looped tie so that Junhoe could quickly throw it on as he barely entered a closing gate. Honestly, if it weren’t for Donghyuk’s mom telling him that he absolutely had to be nice to Junhoe and bring the ‘poor, sleepy boy’ along to school with him, Donghyuk would have ditched Junhoe and leisurely walked to school by himself. Who knew the day would come where the roles would reverse, and Junhoe was looking down on him while he was still in bed?

 

Meanwhile, Junhoe stops his hand from coming up to flatten the puff of brown hair that sticks up on Donghyuk’s round, chestnut head that was the size of his palm. It had been strange to see a sleeping Donghyuk because that had always been a rare sight. Junhoe was always passed out like a brick before Donghyuk, and he had always been sleeping while multiple servants and body guards had to literally drag him out of bed. Sometimes Donghyuk’s shouts from the yard served as his alarm, and he’d look out his window to a fully dressed, peeved, glaring Donghyuk who was already waiting outside in their navy blue middle school uniform. Because of that memory, Junhoe hesitated for a second, wondering if he should really wake him. He looked so peaceful; like he was floating atop a cloud and blissed. The smartwatch Junhoe wears for morning routines beeps however, and the soft thoughts bubbling in his chest burst. He had places to be and handicaps that were holding him back.

 

“I need to get ready,” Junhoe deadpans, not much emotion behind his voice (and amazingly not even a hint of tiredness). Sports really did make Junhoe into a responsible man.

 

“For what?” Donghyuk yawns, kicking his feet about. He remained still, watching them powerlessly bounce up and down on the soft mattress as he pouted like a petulant child. He didn’t want to get up! Today was his free day after all.

 

“Practice,” Junhoe answers, while grimacing at the clock, “I’m already late.”

 

“What do I need to do?” Donghyuk clears his throat and finally drags his heavy body off of the bed. In the midst of the frosty atmosphere that emitted from a slightly irked Junhoe, Donghyuk raises his arms and whines “mansae~~~~” while stretching from side to side. Junhoe watches, silently dumbfounded before letting out a quick laugh (which sounded more like extra air being let out of his nostrils than an actual laugh, but it was an improvement compared to his dead set and scary morning face).

 

“Help me shave.”

 

* * *

 

Donghyuk had no complains about the request. Originally. Now, after he actually had to grip Junhoe’s chiseled chin and pull the taller boy’s face down to match his height? Now, he had a complain. Donghyuk did not know that shaving another person’s morning stubble would be such an intimate ordeal. Then again, how could he possibly know this, he’s never shaved anybody but himself before. Making a soft ball of foamy fluff was routine, but lathering it onto Junhoe’s face had been awkward. Donghyuk didn’t know how to move his hands, yet he didn’t want to ask Junhoe to move his face because that would seem like more of a hassle.

 

“Seriously,” Junhoe whispered as he eventually took Donghyuk’s hands one by one in his left and spread the shaving cream himself. Donghyuk’s ears were bright pink. It was likely they were steaming with heat as he picked up the razor with shaky hands. Junhoe’s eyes widened as he warily gripped Donghyuk’s wrist. “You sure you’re not going to cut me?” Junhoe questions, not trusting the nervousness surrounding Donghyuk. Donghyuk’s breath gets caught in his windpipes as he feebly whispers a yes. He’s actually unsure himself if he could safely finish this crazy morning mission. Junhoe hesitates before letting him go and leaning in, “I’m trusting you.”

 

“Don’t tense up,” Donghyuk warns.

 

“I’m not tense,” Junhoe mumbles, trying to keep his face as still as possible. His eyes start closing naturally as Donghyuk finally brings the sharp object and scrapes it along the far side of Junhoe’s cheek, right above his sharp, angled, strong jawline.

 

“I’m going to turn your head a little,” Donghyuk whispers because he feels like he shouldn't shatter the calm with a loud voice.

 

If Junhoe wonders why Donghyuk’s speaking in such a hushed tone, he doesn’t question it. Instead, he obediently lets Donghyuk guide his head and hums his approval. It was his way of saying that at the moment, Donghyuk could do whatever.

 

* * *

 

 

Donghyuk’s almost done. He realizes the one good thing about shaving Junhoe is that he stays silent throughout the whole thing. He’s unable to speak his mind. Donghyuk secretly thinks he should prolong the process and looks up from cleaning the razor in some water to fling off excess cream when he realizes Junhoe has his eyes open now, and is intently staring at him. Donghyuk’s face immediately turns a bright red that literally glows as the golden sun extends it’s rays through the bathroom window to give him a personal spotlight.

 

“You’re so close,” Donghyuk unknowingly mutters under his breath, but with their proximity there’s no way Junhoe could have missed his words.

 

“You’re still…” Junhoe doesn’t finish instead he clearly bites his cheek.

 

Donghyuk can feel his heart pulsing in every fiber of his being, even at the tips of his fingers that are connected to Junhoe’s soft skin. He hopes Junhoe can’t feel his heartbeat through their minute connection.

 

“Still?” Donghyuk asks, his mind goes through hundreds of words as he tries to fill in the blank space Junhoe has left open. Would it be something nice? Should he even expect that? Or would it be something straight forward and boring - something so Junhoe-like that Donghyuk should have seen it coming?

 

Junhoe keeps his silent eye contact before sighing and straightening up. “You’re still frustratingly slow,” Junhoe swiftly grabs a towel from behind Donghyuk and gruffly wipes off the excess foam. “Ahh,” Donghyuk bites his lips and look down. Junhoe’s gaze pierces through the mirror to give him a cocky glance while his lips quirk up into a half smirk.

 

“Why, Kim Donghyuk? Were you expecting something else from me?”

 

“Of course not,” Donghyuk bites back, his tone is not as taunting as Junhoe’s but it’s just as bitter, “I wouldn’t expect a single nice thing from you. Hope you trip during your run.” Donghyuk exits the large bathroom in a frenzy and jumps headfirst into his bed, pulling the large pillow over his head.

 

Junhoe doesn’t follow until later, after he’s washed his face and applied who-knows-what onto his skin to protect himself from the harmful UVs. It’s not like Donghyuk cared for that jerk anyway. It’s not like he expected something that would save the warm and intimate mood from before only to have all that comfortable silence shattered by the blunt truth.

 

Donghyuk hears the shuffling of a body changing clothes ‘right in the open, he thinks he really still lives alone, huh?’ Donghyuk angrily questions in his mind. Of course, he doesn’t really have it in himself to voice these complaints out loud because he was only living in the lavish VIP dorm thanks to Junhoe who could kick him out any time. He didn’t even have a drom anymore because his roomate had been so happy to have Donghyuk kicked out so that he could have his boyfriend move in. That was not allowed on campus, for obvious reasons, but it was South Korea. Administrative staff didn’t even think that same-sex couples existed, let alone had the guts to move in together while on campus. Donghyuk was in the middle of feeling sorry for himself and lamenting his bad luck with roommates when he finally hears silence. Donghyuk quickly lifts his head, wondering if he somehow missed the sound of their front door opening and closing while he was deep in thought.

 

Not a chance.

 

Junhoe was silently standing in the middle of the room, his pajamas dumped onto his own bed (the huge king sized bed, a much more sightly sight compared to Donghyuk’s tiny twin sized mattress shoved into the corner next to a desk.)

 

“Don’t you have to go?” Donghyuk hisses, while face planting into his pillow again. He really hated when Junhoe stared down at him. It was like a huge analogy remind him of his inferior status in all regards. No, Donghyuk refuses to think he has the inferiority complex. Yes, Donghyuk does believe that Junhoe has a very special stare that makes people feel lesser than him - like they were mere mortals being judged by a god on a high throne.

 

“Did you mean it?” Junhoe asks, his left hand comes up to rest on his hip as he stands slightly skewed. His gaze doesn’t waver, unlike Donghyuk who’s curiously scratching his head as he sits up.

 

“What?”

 

“When you wished me to trip during my run. Did you mean that.” Junhoe asks with such a serious voice Donghyuk is slightly flustered by it. If it wasn’t for that plus the intimidating gaze Donghyuk would roll with laughter. Clearly though, Junhoe was waiting for his answer, yet Donghyuk didn’t know what to say. Part of him wants to yell ‘of course not you absolute idiot I’m not that cruel of a person, how could you still not know me like this?’ but another part (maybe the devil on his shoulder) is singing ‘yes, yes, yes! Please faceplant your handsome features into the ground and bite dirt, you insensitive asshole’ while banging away at a drum to the beat.

 

“Did you mean it,” Junhoe presses on, as stubborn as always.

 

“Yes! I hope you fall,” Donghyuk finally answers; in that moment, it was like watching a sharp dart thunk against a turning wheel. Everything in his mind had been whirling fast, propelled by emotions and the strange feeling that lingered ever since he met eyes with a calm Junhoe who’s face rested in his palms this morning. Junhoe’s gazes, his soft skin, the sound of a razor being sloshed around in water, the way Junhoe’s eyes were resting, his long lashes against tanned skin. Spinning, spinning, those images were spinning, along with Junhoe’s words that stung more than sharp metal, and the tone of his voice that was like a harsh cut without any soft cream to cushion it. So, Donghyuk, without really meaning it, had thrown a dart. As he watched the time that had been spinning slowly come to a halt, he realizes that maybe he hit too close to home.

 

Junhoe has his mask on. The one that’s worn at the edges and barely fitting to his face. The one Donghyuk had seen when they were just little kids. When 12 year old Junhoe was getting publicly humiliated by his father, the CEO of Koo Enterprises. The same far away look in his eyes that didn’t focus on anything, the set jaw, the pursed lips. It’s been years since Donghyuk’s seen it, years since Junhoe pulled it out. The last time Junhoe wore it Donghyuk had been sobbing on his knees while Junhoe harshly, with an even tone, repeatedly told him to get up.

 

_“This is how you humiliate me?” Mr. Koo screamed angrily as he sent another firey slap towards Junhoe who didn’t make a move to cover his face, didn’t even flinch. Donghyuk’s rubbing his hands together and crawling around on his knees, following Mr. Koo’s every movement._

 

_“Sajang-nim! It was the other kids! They’re framing Junhoe as a cheater!”_

 

_“Kim Donghyuk. Get up.”_

 

_Everybody passing by collectively gasp and start whispering to each other, scurrying along as a loud slap rings in the air. Junhoe doesn’t make a sound, but Donghyuk sputter like he’s the one who was hit._

 

_“SAJANG-NIM! PLEASE! JUNHOE’S A GOOD FRIEND, HE’S A GOOD KID!” Donghyuk, as the student body secretary swears up and down he’ll help find the real culprits to the mass cheating fest. He’ll find out who was framing Junhoe as the thief. “I’ll find the real criminal who broke into the teacher’s office for the key, so please! Sajang-nim!”_

 

_“Kim Donghy-uk,” Junhoe lets out a small grunt as another slap swells his already blooming cheeks, but his eyes are sharp and his words are clear, “this isn’t your business. Get up.”_

 

_Eventually the CEO’s secretary who was conscious of the other passing students and possible cameras that were filming the scene, comes and collects an angry CEO who’s quickly ushered into a tinted car. Even as the monster rolls away, Junhoe keeps a neutral expression. In fact, he’s the one who ushered Donghyuk to stand on his two feet and lean against the wall for support instead._

 

_“Don’t get on your knees. Ever. It’s the fastest way to get stepped on in this world.”_

 

_Donghyuk was 12 when he realized how scary ‘their’ world was compared to his, and he was 12 when he realized Koo Junhoe had already perfected the face of a warrior, the face of a guard, the face of a fighter._

 

It’s the same face now. Donghyuk is looking at 12 year old Junhoe. Practically, anyway. It’s the same expression, on much more mature features. Colder eyes. A more determined pair of lips that now look like they’re frowning slightly more than before when they were younger. The eyebrows draw in a little deeper as well, but it’s the same face. The one that’s on guard. The one that’s hiding everything inside neatly. Donghyuk wonders if his words, his little jab of ill-intentions really somehow had the same impact as a flying strike against Junhoe’s face. If that were the case, he’d feel immensely sorry. Even more so if Junhoe was trying to hide the pain and act like he wasn’t affected at all.

 

“You’re so foreign to me now,” Junhoe flatly observes before heading to the door, “you’ve grown a lot.”

 

Donghyuk knows Junhoe isn’t just talking about his height, or his physique, or even his face. There’s more there that Junhoe wishes to say, and Donghyuk thinks he understands. They’ve both grown. Some of those ways were good: no longer did they terrorize the playground and kick kids out so they could take over the swings. No longer did they argue about Japanese anime characters or which member of SNSD was the prettiest. No longer did they try to trick the bus driver into giving them the ‘child’ discount that only applied to those 10 and under. Some of the ways they’ve grown into however, were terrible. Children always easily forget wrong-doings. Dump a bucket of sand on young Junhoe’s head, and he’d cry for all of 5 minutes before giving you his shovel to share. Push Donghyuk into a shallow river and he’d angrily stomp his feet for a few seconds before giggling while splashing you back. Now they’ve grown, and they’ve learned what grudges were. They’ve learned how to hold them. How to ferment them. How to grow it into hatred, loating, bitter resentment. They’ve learned betrayal, they’ve learned harshness, they’ve learned how to say one thing and mean the complete opposite. They’ve grown up to be festering wounds.

 

Donghyuk stares as Junhoe shoves his feet into his jogger shoes, and opens the door. Before stepping out Junhoe turns and finally articulates what he really meant to say, “and here I thought Kim Donghyuk would never be able to say anything bad to someone else. Indeed, you’ve grown.”

 

Donghyuk doesn’t know if he should take that as a compliment as the door slams shut.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my dear readers, another little flashback; Do you think Donghyuk and Junhoe were really close friends when they were younger? Was Donghyuk concerned, and was Junhoe guarding Donghyuk's dignity? Or was Donghyuk just fulfilling a duty as the model student, and Junhoe simply teaching his poor classmate a lesson about life? Hummm


	5. First Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, classes are over! I hope to update more often now ^^ Thank you all for being patient!
> 
> Should I finally start diving more into the past now?!!

Jinhyeong was always telling him he stressed way too much for his own good, and it’s not like Donghyuk didn’t know this fact. He knew he stressed over practically everything (even with no good reason), yet there was nothing he could really do to stop himself from over thinking every single detail about his life. He really did try ‘everything’ from doing homework, attempting to watch a new movie, and even meditating. None of it helped. Actually, Donghyuk could argue that they made his predicament worse. 

 

Doing homework made him wonder how Junhoe, as an athlete who left early in the morning to run and again late at night to lift weights, had time to study. Doing the complete opposite and trying to distract himself with a movie didn’t work because Donghyuk felt guilty for using Junhoe’s netflix account and cluttering his recommended shows list with his own preferences. Meditating was probably the worse idea out of them all though because emptying his mind allowed it to fill with thoughts of Junhoe. How Junhoe looked (so calm and well rested) this morning while leaning into the palm of his hand. How Junhoe’s face completely changed to a stony cold expression when Donghyuk told him to bite the ground. Even Junhoe’s expression as he left, turning back to glare at him one last time before slamming the large door closed. All of it overwhelmed Donghyuk until he eventually found himself splayed out on Junhoe’s neatly made bed (that he neatly made, by the way - it seemed Junhoe’s tendency to leave a mess when he was stressed didn’t go anywhere).

 

“Aish!!! KOO JUNHOE!”

 

“What?”

 

“AHHH!!”

 

Donghyuk screeched as he received a rather unexpected response. He believes he hears Junhoe’s chuckle, but when he turns around with wide eyes to face the basketball player who had returned from the morning work out session his face is flat.

 

“Could you at least breath or something to signal your presence?” Donghyuk snaps, now suddenly embarrassed by his high pitched yelp of surprise.

 

Junhoe lifts an eyebrow while answering, so Donghyuk expected a snarky response, but instead gets a surprising sincerely thought out answer in return - “sorry, I was just so used to being alone I didn’t think I had to tell you I got back.”

 

Great. If he put it like that then how was Donghyuk supposed to take it? How was he supposed to look at that slight pout and not feel bad? Donghyuk waves his hand back and forth before shaking his head, “nah, I over reacted. Just…” Junhoe stops staring at his socks and finally makes eye contact with Donghyuk who crinkles his nose. He doesn’t like his next suggestion because it sounds too domestic for his taste, but it comes out before he knows it, “just tell me that you’re home next time.”

 

Junhoe swiftly turns his head to the side and smirks, “sure, next time.”

 

Donghyuk bounces on his butt to get to the end of Junhoe’s large bed. He’s not sure if Junhoe’s suddenly being playful or downright mean, but the player gives Donghyuk’s shoulders a good shove. Donghyuk ends up laying on his back, his legs dangling off the edge, as Junhoe towers over him. He watches in tense silence as Junhoe nonchalantly starts stripping his heavy jersy off and tossing it behind his shoulder. If Junhoe were to make eye contact with him right now, Donghyuk believes he’ll start having one of those comically over-exaggerated anime nosebleeds because his whole face feels like it’s swamped with blood.

 

“W-wh-”

 

Junhoe suddenly throws himself over Donghyuk who squeezes his eyes shut and embraces himself for impact. The space next to his head dips with weight, and Donghyuk, dazed, opens up a single eye only to come face-to-face with Junhoe’s sharp chin hovering right above his nose. 

 

“Let’s watch a movie and chill,” Junhoe finally grabs the remote he was reaching for and rolls so he’s laying right next to Donghyuk, his bare and slightly sweaty bicep feeling slick on Donghyuk’s skin.

 

Donghyuk sits up quickly and glares down at Junhoe who looks up expectantly, like he’s waiting for an answer - one he already knows will be a ‘yes.’ It’s the Thursday right before break, there was no way even the dorky Kim Donghyuk had anything to do. Donghyuk wracks his large brain for any feasible excuse as to why he absolutely could not simply watch a movie and laze around on Junhoe’s bed with him. His brain decided it was the perfect day to go blank, and it must have shown on his frozen face because Junhoe’s already starting to show his signature smirk. The one that means he knows. He just  _ knows _ . “You have nothing to do anyway, right?”

 

“I don’t wanna watch with you!” Donghyuk finally admits with a huff, crossing his arms.

 

Junhoe flexes and leans on his bent arms, shifting to bring his face closer and intrude on Donghyuk’s space. “Why not?” Donghyuk wants to ask if Junhoe’s attempting to follow the handbook of interrogation or something because he almost feels intimidated by the proximity and serious silence that follows his question.

 

“You stink.”

 

“There’s no way. I put on deodorant.”

 

“Exactly!” Donghyuk exclaims with gusto, “you reek of deodorant and it’s disgusting.”

 

“It’s the one you always sprayed in middle school…” Junhoe stops himself short and then abruptly gets up before Donghyuk can even being to comprehend the full sentence.

 

“You reme-”

 

“Pick a movie while I shower,” Junhoe cuts him off and tosses the black remote onto the bed, vaguely within arms length from Donghyuk who sits in shock.

 

Donghyuk looks at the slick object and back up, but Junhoe’s already disappearing down the hall. “What movie do you want to watch?!” Donghyuk screams after the retreating figure. He knows Junhoe heard him, but the only response he gets is a closing bathroom door.

 

* * *

 

“It’s little forest,” Donghyuk supplies when Junhoe wordlessly falls onto the empty bed. Donghyuk has his back against the soft footboard bench, legs brought up so that his chin can rest on his hard kneecaps. It’s a rather uncomfortable position, really, because while his face is oriented down his eyes have to look up in order to see the screen without glare. Junhoe presses a button and the blinds start coming down, but the TV still dances with a strange holographic color scheme. Here he though Junhoe had the best technology and a TV that could be enjoyed from all angles- apparently the floor wasn’t a good place to be.

 

“What are you doing?” Junhoe asks. Donghyuk turns to see Junhoe staring at him quizzically with his head tilted in curiosity. Besides the fact that he’s shirtless and only in a pair of basketball shorts (which seemed to be one of the only things he wanted to wear around the dorm), Junhoe was only occupying half of the large bed. A very calculated right half.

 

“What do you mean?” Donghyuk asks. What was he doing? He was just trying to enjoy a quaint movie. It was Junhoe’s idea in the first place why was he picking a fight?

 

“You planning to watch the whole thing like that and get a crick in your neck?” Junhoe questions, making himself comfortable and turning to the TV like he didn’t really care. Like he was really just asking out of curiosity.

 

“No…” Donghyuk finally whispers and crawls into the empty side of the bed. Junhoe doesn’t even look at him, wordlessly handing him a spare pillow. Donghyuk lets out a sigh he was holding when suddenly Junhoe asks, “Why?”

 

Donghyuk turns from the screen and squeezes the fluffy pillow closer to his chest. “Why what?”

 

Junhoe’s face stays passive. He used to be a pretty loud and boisterous kid when they were younger, but for some reason now it seemed that Junhoe liked to reserve his words. Sometimes Donghyuk’s not sure what goes on in Junhoe’s mind, or what he’s trying to get at. A lot of times he’s noticed that whatever Junhoe was intending to say went straight over his head, but Junhoe never looked like he wanted to elaborate or spell it out for Donghyuk to understand. It was frustrating. There used to be a time when Donghyuk could understand what Junhoe needed just by the way he breathed. Now. Now it was like trying to navigate the soul of a stranger.

 

“Why’d you,” Junhoe swallows solemnly before finally making eye contact with Donghyuk, “why’d you pick this movie?”

 

“Ahh~” Donghyuk sighs in relief and lets the breath he was holding whoosh out of his lungs. It was such an easy question. He was nervous for no reason. Junhoe seems to search him for an answer, so Donghyuk provides one right away, “you like Kim Taeri-sshi!”

 

Junhoe scoffs and shakes his head a little as droplets of water fly off his black locks, “that was years ago.”

 

“Oh? Did your ideal type change?” Donghyuk muses, watching the lovely actress on screen. She had soft features, a beautiful face that wasn’t thickly covered by makeup, and a nice voice. All things Junhoe said he loved about someone. She was truly a natural beauty. “Well, I guess you like gorgeous people now, like your girlfriend. Park Chaeyoung, right? She’s really bea-”

 

“Don’t.” Junhoe deadpans, and Donghyuk freezes. Curse him and his big mouth. Logically, what guy would like it if someone (who wasn’t even really their friend or close to them anymore) raved about his girlfriend to his face? Nobody.

 

“I’m sorry, Junhoe! I wasn’t like saying I personally thought she was like beautiful or anything! I mean, I don’t think she’s ugly. Not at all! I’m just rambling, but what I really mean is you two are a perfect match for each other!”

 

Junhoe stays silent for a minute as the movie rolls on about the nice countryside. Donghyuk can feel the stress lines on his forehead starting to form as he mulls over his words that came spilling out when he didn’t even intend for it to happen.

 

“Do you mean that?” Junhoe asks, probably feeling sorry having to watch Donghyuk beat himself up inside for talking too much.

 

“Huh?”

 

“When you said we’re a perfect match… Did you mean it?”

 

“Of course!” Donghyuk immediately response, hoping to sound convincing. It had been an empty compliment to try and ease the situation, but if that’s what Junhoe desperately needed to hear, then Donghyuk could confirm that he meant it. He knows he’ll just sound extra, but to reinforce his point (and because he tends to overshare when flustered) Donghyuk keeps going while completely oblivious to Junhoe’s uncomfortable grimace, “A match made in heaven, that’s what they say, right? Don’t you think so?”

 

“I don’t think we are,” Junhoe drops those words like he’s dropped a bombshell and he knows it. Donghyuk feels the words he tried formulating dying on his tongue as he forcefully swallows them.

 

“Oh…” There’s so many things Donghyuk wants to ask, but he knows it’s not really his place.

 

“Aren’t you going to ask why?” Junhoe pushes. Donghyuk curses under his breath. He didn’t know who this man was anymore, but it seemed like Junhoe still knew him so well. like the back of his own hand. Sometimes it was very alarming. Donghyuk hesitates because he did want to know why Junhoe thought that way, yet was it really his place to know? Was Junhoe just testing him, or was he really offering to give him a reason for his shocking confession.

 

“Why?” Donghyuk really just copies what Junhoe suggested and pastes it onto his tongue.

 

Junhoe can’t help the bitter chuckle that slips out while observing Donghyuk’s blank expression. He shrugs and easily slips himself off the side of the bed, “I don’t know. I ask myself ‘why’ all the time. I guess I don’t have enough courage yet.” Junhoe walks over to the fridge and opens it to look for something to drink. A beer for himself (he’s acquired quite a taste for alcohol after entering college), and a fanta for Donghyuk before he stops short. Come to think of it, he always assumed Donghyuk wasn’t much of an alcohol guy, but he’s never really asked nor seen Donghyuk drink since they became legal.

 

“Do you-”

“What do you-”

 

Junhoe stands next to the open door and holds up two options. A beer and a soda. Straight away Donghyuk points at the orange can and Junhoe nods in approval while secretly proud that he could guess Donghyuk’s preference still.

 

“What do you mean when you said you don’t have courage? Courage for what?”

 

Junhoe opens the can and hands it to Donghyuk before setting his atop the bedside table. “I’m not sure myself. Courage to end it I guess.”

 

Donghyuk frowns at that, “you know that’s not fair to her, right?”

 

Junhoe lets out a soft breath, “yeah… I’m a jerk like that.”

 

Donghyuk sips happily from his cup and swallows a burp of bubbles, “you’re just figuring that out?” Donghyuk attempts to make it sound light and hearty, like a good joke. Junhoe wordlessly thanks him for the effort by smiling and aiming his pillow at Donghyuk’s head before launching. Donghyuk squeaks and complains that he almost dropped his drink. Junhoe snickers and lets the conversation naturally lose itself in the sound of Donghyuk’s carefree laugh.

 

* * *

 

Donghyuk and Junhoe watch recommended movie after movie without thinking of doing a single productive thing. Classes were practically over because tomorrow was the last official day. After some time to pack and tidy up the campus would probably be empty by Sunday, so they didn’t have a care in the world.

 

Donghyuk consequently wakes up face-to-face with Junhoe’s bare chest. He would scream from surprise, but the TV’s still going on about some cooking reality TV program and Gordan Ramsey cursing takes the words right out of his mouth.

 

“Shit…” Donghyuk whispers. He thanks the lord he doesn’t have a habit of stripping while he sleeps because it would have made for a very awkward picture after he came to.

 

“Watch your profanity,” Junhoe mutters, his throat still closed with sleep. His eyes slowly peel open to sternly stare at Donghyuk who flushes bright red.

 

“You were awake?! Why didn’t you move?”

 

Junhoe stretches before yawning. “It’s my bed.”

 

Right. Donghyuk really had nothing to say to that because it was his fault he had fallen asleep by the time they were on the third Marvel movie. Still, he can’t help but feel like Junhoe was teasing him. There’s a korean saying that “all bad intuitions always come true” for a reason.

 

“Also,” Junhoe grins cheekily (and Donghyuk sees pure evil behind the fake smile), “your face makes for a funny snapchat streak to the team.”

 

“URG! KOO JUNHOE!”

 

* * *

 

Urg Koo Junhoe was right. Over breakfast he had been coerced (literally, as Junhoe waved the contract in front of his face and constructed a crazy guilt-inducing argument about why Donghyuk must accompany him to the team’s last party before summer break).

 

_ “There’s a party tonight and you’re invited,” Junhoe stuffs a bagel into his mouth and puts down his mug of coffee with fervour. _

 

_ “By who?!” Donghyuk whips around from the counter, his apron swishing from the force. _

 

_ “By me,” Junhoe helpfully supplies, “because someone needs to help me drink while I hold food with one hand.” _

 

_ “I- what?! Just put your food down to drink and then pick your food back up. You can totally do this with one hand,” Donghyuk crosses his arms in protest, but Junhoe shrugs unbothered. _

 

_ “Wow. Making my life hard, huh? What if I put my food down and someone steals it? What if I put my drink down and someone messes with it? Did I ever tell you that once I put my cup down for 2 seconds and a dude put ecstasy in it?” _

 

_ Wow. Okay. Donghyuk did feel guilty thinking about having to see Junhoe coming off a high that he didn’t want to be on. And what if Junhoe got seriously ill because of that? Not that he particularly cared (Donghyuk has to tell himself he wished Junhoe was flinged off the planet sometimes). No. Not at all. But he was somewhat contractually obligated to watch out for Junhoe’s health. Yes. That’s right. Junhoe always seemed kinda lazy and unfeeling, but he cared a lot for his body, and so did his family. He was a really precious part of the Koos, especially Mrs. Koo. Donghyuk shudders thinking of what Mrs. Koo could do to him if Junhoe ended up at a hospital high. _

 

_ “Ugh. Fine. I’ll go.” _

 

_ Junhoe has a shit-eating grin on his face as he motions for Donghyuk to put down the spatula and sit across from him to have breakfast. Donghyuk reaches down to untie his apron when Junhoe clears his throat, “Just keep it on.” _

 

_ “What?” _

 

_ Junhoe grins yet again, annoying Donghyuk and making his gut twist with the anticipated joke that will no doubt be just to get under his skin, “Keep it on. You look sexy in i- ouch!” _

 

_ Donghyuk’s perfectly aimed spoon hits Junhoe’s arm before clattering to the floor, “shut up or else you’ll be partying by yourself.” _

 

Amazingly, Junhoe did really shut up for the remainder of breakfast. So, because Donghyuk was a man of his word, he had the ‘privilege’ of accompanying Junhoe to a party way above his pay grade. He was currently in a large, over capacitated, stuffy luxury flat as students swayed hapazardlously to the beat.

 

Junhoe’s arm was heavily draped against his shoulder, and he sometimes lost his footing, tripping over stray limbs and slippery lumps of confetti. This was truly a sight to behold. Junhoe wasn’t even drunk yet and he was already walking on two left feet? Wonderful. Donghyuk rolls his eyes and concocts about 200 different sarcastic curses to yell at his ‘master.’

 

“Bro!!!” Bobby walks over, the usual bounce in his step practically oozing with what his fangirls liked to call ‘virginia swag.’ He so naturally hands Junhoe a drink in the infamous red solo cup “So even rich kids use solo cups, huh?” Donghyuk mutters under his breath, not expecting both Bobby and Junhoe to pause their greetings and turn to him.

 

“Rich? Nah man, this punk maybe, but I’m just your average korean Kim Jiwon!” Bobby then sticks out his hand for Donghyuk to shake and Donghyuk feels bad for automatically naming him something he wasn’t.

 

“Sorry! I just assumed cause you’re friends with Junhoe.”

 

Bobby laughs - his voice a nice low husky sound that somehow seems friendly and comforting. “You good! Junhoe’s just loaded, but we’re not all like that here! You’re Junhoe’s friend too, right?”

 

“I-” Donghyuk tries to correct him, but Bobby’s giving him one of the most innocent, happiest, blissed out expression and Donghyuk doesn’t have the heart to say no. It’s almost like Bobby’s so proud that Junhoe has normal friends; how was Donghyuk supposed to crush that eye smile? He just couldn’t do it. “I guess you’re right!” Donghyuk screams over the shouts of party-goers.

 

“What’s your name? Don’t think I got it last time.”

 

“Kim Donghyuk!” Donghyuk hastily supplies, noticing that Junhoe was guzzling down the drink because he had nothing to contribute to the conversation. He could have just left without Donghyuk, but for some reason it seemed Junhoe really meant it when he said Donghyuk must stick to his side and help him do multiple things with his hands. Bobby’s eyes widen and his expression turns to one of genuine surprise upon hearing Donghyuk’s name. Donghyuk would question, but then he’s suddenly reminded of just a few weeks back when he literally stopped the game by tripping into the courtside floor.

 

“Nice to meet you Donghyuk! You know the rules to the party, right?”

 

“Huh? Rules?”

 

Junhoe finally grins and joins the conversation at that, “till the sunrises~”

 

“GO! GO! GO!” Bobby whoops and throws his cup up in excitement, foamy beer splashing all over the tight circle of people in their vicinity. Nobody looks bothered by the sudden alcohol-bath though, and Donghyuk sighs heavily. It was going to be a long night.

 

* * *

 

The party starts buzzing with softer - chill songs as kids start dropping like stones and snoring softly. Their faces are pressed against unsanitary floors and their drool pools around in disgusting puddles.

 

Junhoe has probably had more cups to drink than the years of his age (Donghyuk’s not exactly sure, he stopped counting around cup 14). He doesn’t know what the mystery liquid is, but it’s strong. Just a few gulps he stole from Junhoe because he was hot and thirsty make his head swim.

 

Junhoe must have noticed that Donghyuk was having a hard time swaying under his body weight because he finally looks down and yells, “wanna sit?”

 

They’ve been sitting for a good hour or two when girls start throwing themselves over the round couch and table they had decided to occupy downstairs. Something about these girls, and the guys they have in tow, doesn’t smell like good news, but Donghyuk can’t say anything. He doesn’t really know them that well. Junhoe seemed unbothered by them though, continuing to ask Donghyuk to tilt the cup back and give him a sip. Donghyuk listens well, bringing the cup up to Junhoe’s lips and watching, making sure he doesn’t spill anything. It seemed they had good liquore here, not the cheap coke and fake ‘whisky’ business he’s used to.

 

“It’s been a while Junhoe~ let’s play truth or dare!” Ryumi, was her name, happily produces a bottle from seemingly nothing and Donghyuk’s taken aback by its appearance.

 

“What are we? High schoolers?”

 

“Come on~ it’s fun!”

 

It was definitely not fun at all. Donghyuk was practically invisible, all the girls were curious about Junhoe, and all the guys that came with them were getting increasingly peeved as they were put on the back burner or forgotten about in general.

 

All the questions stayed very bland and safe (in fact, it almost felt like Donghyuk was at a job interview where the only applicant was Junhoe):

 

“What are your hobbies, Junhoe?”

“Do you have a hidden talent, Junhoe?”

“Why do you play basketball, Junhoe?”

“Where you always this good at sports, Junhoe?”

“How are you so good at studies too, Junhoe?”

 

It was painfully obvious that the girls there all had clear interest in the already taken basketball player, but no will to act on anything. No guts, probably. Park Chaeyoung was the goddess of the psychology majors; there was no girl who wanted to challenge her, especially in regards to her long time boyfriend. However, surprisingly to many on campus, the perfect dream team weren’t always perfect. Whenever the two broke it off or decided to “take a break” it was very obvious. Park Chaeyoung threw aggressively opulent parties while Koo Junhoe buried himself at home and refused to interact with the world. Donghyuk almost felt like if he didn’t stop this dangerously flirty game that was going on he’d be seeing grumpy Junhoe at home over the break - it was not a sight he wanted to see.

 

“Why don’t we just do one more question, huh?” Donghyuk asks, practically begs as he tugs on Junhoe’s sleeve. Junhoe seems to mull over his suggestion before finally nodding and rubbing his face, “my friend’s right. I’m tired.”

 

“Humm,” Ryumi chews on her bottom lip in contemplation before finally dropping a bomb (one she likely was holding onto for a while now), “who was your first kiss, Junhoe?”

 

All the other girls gasp and “ohhh” at the question, and Ryumi tries to hide her nervousness in fake boldness. Donghyuk can envision a figurative tail swishing behind her and his gut get punched in rhythmatic intervals. Out of all the questions in the world, it had to be that one.

 

Junhoe stays silent and Donghyuk’s hands balled his hands into fists, shaking with force.

 

“You know what I think we should just-”

“Shut up you-”

“Kim Donghyuk.”

 

It all happened at the exact same moment, almost like it was planned. Donghyuk was trying to avoid the answer that Lee Ryumi was desperate to hear, and Koo Junhoe had, probably, the worst timing in the world.

 

It’s absolutely silent afterwards. Donghyuk pulls up from the couch and looks down at Junhoe in utter disbelief, wondering if maybe Junhoe was too far gone to realize what he was saying. Surprisingly though, Junhoe stands and looks at him, seemingly completely fine. His cheeks are dusted slightly pink, but he’s definitely not out of it and definitely has coherent thought.

 

Ryumi finally closes her gaping mouth to reconfirm, “your first kiss was…”

 

“Kim Donghyuk,” Junhoe answers in a whisper, leaning in and heavily slinging his arm onto Donghyuk’s shoulder.

 

“What he means is! He wants me to remind him of who it is!” Donghyuk laughs out loud and slaps Junhoe’s stomach playfully, like a good buddy would to his drunk friend, “this guy was so popular! I’m sure you know he dated like everybody~~~ in high school!” That’s what Donghyuk had heard anyway. Every time he tried to concentrate on his studies and forget about Koo Junhoe altogether someone would come and talk about Junhoe’s girlfriend. They were like drinks to Junhoe. When he got sick of a flavor, he switched it up. They were like drinks to Donghyuk as well. He stopped counting the different names after the first dozen.

 

Junhoe’s silently glaring at Donghyuk, the gaze so intense and so crystal clear Donghyuk knows that if he looks over now he’ll get lost and drown in a pool of darkness. So, he ignores Junhoe and stares at Ryumi, willing her to believe him.    
  


“I remember who his first kiss though! It was Saejeong! Right, Junhoe? You remember now?” Donghyuk laughs as all the others sitting in the circle politely laugh and nudge each other, filling in for the silence Junhoe offers them all. 

 

“Of course Koo Junhoe’s first kiss was Saejeong!”

“That was his first girlfriend, right?”

“She’s a lucky girly~~!”

 

Donghyuk’s hurriedly dragging Junhoe out of the couch, past a bunch of tangled legs, when Junhoe halts at the words Ryumi scoffs out - “of course Kim Donghyuk can’t be the answer, I was shocked for nothing.”

 

Donghyuk wants to just go, he wants to pull Junhoe out of the party and put that behind him forever. Just like he put everything else behind him. It seems though, that Junhoe has a very different idea.

 

“Why not?” Junhoe asks, and his words aren’t even slightly slurred as he seriously turns to her with wrath in his eyes. It was shocking, because his expression contrasted the lazy and content features he wore all night.

 

“B-because,” Ryumi starts stuttering, unconsciously moving her hand up to mess with her long, dirty blonde locks.

 

“Junhoe let’s just go-”

 

Junhoe turns to face Donghyuk and unfortunately for the shorter male they make direct eye contact. It’s not a gaze he can peel away from - not one he can ignore.

 

“You set the record straight right here, Kim Donghyuk.”

 

It feels like even the music starts receding so that Donghyuk can have a chance to speak clearly.

 

“Who’s my first kiss?”

 

Donghyuk suddenly finds his converse very interesting on the dark tiles, “maybe it was Sujin,” Donghyuk whispers, he looks up and makes eye contact with a confused, somewhat disgusted looking Ryumi, “I-it was actually Sujin… sorry.”

 

Junhoe sighs heavily and finally lifts his arm from Donghyuk who feels like a giant weight has been lifted from him (but not in a good way). As if a protective aura was suddenly cracked, Donghyuk felt extremely naked under the questioning, judgemental stares from the semi-circle of affluent kids staring at him.

 

“You’re sure?” Junhoe sounds tired, like he’s ready to call it a day and collapse.

 

“Y-yes?” Donghyuk asks. It clearly wasn’t an answer, but he’s a terrible liar. Junhoe knows that. He’s doing this on purpose.

 

“Alright… if that’s what you say... Let’s go home then.”

 

It sounds like Junhoe’s taking Donghyuk along with him, but the reality was that Junhoe starts walking towards the door by himself, and Donghyuk follows along behind him, a bumbling mess that’s trying to navigate a sea of after-party students.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew~ this was kind of a long chapter, but I hope that can make up for me not updating in a week+!
> 
> Who's Junhoe's first kiss? Can you guess?


	6. Cancel Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flasbacks~~ flashbacks!
> 
> It's a long flashback, so it's kind of a filler~ Hopefully next time I update we'll have more actual (real time, present moment) plot advancement!
> 
> Also thank you for the ones who commented ㅠㅠ it was really really motivational for me! I hope to get back to you with a reply when time allows it!

“Junhoe! Go with me! Let me help you!” Donghyuk huffs while running after tipsy Junhoe who’s taking long strides towards the dorm. If someone from the outside was looking in, it would seem that Junhoe was running away. Actually. He may have been.

 

Donghyuk feared that if he didn’t catch up then Junhoe would lock him out altogether. That would be embarrassing because that had never happened to him before (no matter how much his roommate disliked him), and he wasn’t about to do the walk of shame now.

 

When they do get to the room Junhoe doesn’t bother closing the door behind him, so Donghyuk sighs in relief while gently swinging the wooden door shut. Donghyuk struggles to kick his shoes off before looking up to find Junhoe staring down at him with arms crossed and a hardened glare. If the walk did anything for them, it was sobering Junhoe up.

 

“I’m sorry,” Donghyuk blurts out

 

Junhoe raises an eyebrow. Sighing without an answer, he finally turns and heads towards the kitchen. “Just because I said it was a ‘cancel kiss’ doesn’t mean you can forget about it.”

 

“No,” Donghyuk finds himself chasing after Junhoe even within the confined space (as if Junhoe could still run away somewhere). He didn't know why, but he felt the urge to correct Junhoe. His own pride be damned. The secret he had kept in his heart comes rushing out of his mouth, “I never forgot it, Junhoe. Never.”

 

Junhoe purses his lips as he fills a cup with water. Donghyuk watches Junhoe who’s staring at the filling glass intensely hoping for some kind of response. Any response. Junhoe angrily twists the tap closed and finally turn to lean against the counter while facing him. Their eyes meet again, and Donghyuk almost shakes in fear - how was it that Junhoe was able to pack so much intensity within that void? If you took a transient glance at him it would look like his expression was blank, yet his eyes. Those eyes were like the focal points of an abyss that were sucking him in. Reading all his secrets. Ripping apart his inside like a terrible storm that couldn’t be stopped with just willpower alone. Donghyuk was so focused on Junhoe’s eyes he didn’t notice when Junhoe opened his mouth to actually speak.

 

“You seemed like you wanted to forget the kiss tonight. My first kiss.”

 

Donghyuk bites his lips, and the accusatory tone in Junhoe’s voice suddenly makes wronged tears secretly build up in the corners of his eyes. Would Junhoe ever understand just how hard it was for Donghyuk himself? How he had to fold and crush his pride to lie, twice, and pretend like he wasn’t the one who got to be THE Koo Junhoe’s first kiss?

 

“Who gave you that right, Kim Donghyuk? The right to change **_my_** first kiss?” Junhoe angrily spits. His neck is flushed red, and his words come out in short stutters like he’s trying not to lose breath. So maybe he wasn’t as sober as he tried to seem. His breath certainly did reek of alcohol. Donghyuk could catch a whiff of the strange cocktails dancing off Junhoe’s tongue even from the kitchen table as he stood a good few inches away.

 

“I did it for you!” Donghyuk finally emphasizes angrily. His voice is thick with unfallen tears, neck straining from the effort to keep it that way.

 

Junhoe’s hand shakes along with his attempt to hide the fury that's building inside. Donghyuk yelps when the glass ultimately shatters. Crystal shards go flying in all directions and the unconsumed water makes a sloshing sound as it spreads over the counter and drips slowly to the floor.

 

“You’re bleeding.” - “You’re not making any sense.”

 

“What doesn’t make sense?!” Donghyuk huffs as he steps forward in an attempt to open one of the drawers for the first aid kit. Junhoe frantically shoves him back and keeps his arm up so Donghyuk can’t approach.

 

“There’s glass on the floor. I’ll get it.”

 

* * *

 

They both sit down, now relatively collected (one of them scared by the erupted cup and the other calmed by the rational side of his brain which tells him he cannot make the other cry. He can’t.)

 

“Can you tell me what doesn’t make sense?” Donghyuk tried again, a tired sigh rolling over his last words as he sees the tiny glass that’s managed to break the bandage and cause micro-cuts into Junhoe’s already (badly) healing palm. Or, a palm that was attempting to heal if Junhoe would just let it.

 

“Why did you lie? And how is it for me?” Junhoe growls. Donghyuk flinches slightly. Perhaps it was because they were connected, but Junhoe can feel Donghyuk’s slight movements better than ever before. He explains himself in ernest so Donghyuk won’t misunderstand - “my voice is usually this harsh. I’m not mad at you… Just confused.”

 

“The world isn’t really an accepting place, Junhoe. Even though people love you because you’re rich and handsome and stop grinning!” Donghyuk yanks the bandages tight (“ow!") the slow grin that was creeping onto Junhoe’s face is quickly replaced by a slightly irritated frown as he cradles his newly fixed up hand. His own chest does not offer as much warmth as Donghyuk’s carefully nurturing hands, but at least he’s safe - Junhoe muses.

 

“Go on,” Junhoe mutters, still rubbing his hand like he would a baby’s small head, “continue with reasons why people love me.”

 

It’s his own self centered, narcissistic, sassy way of trying to lift the atmosphere. Donghyuk can’t help but roll his eyes.

 

“Anyway, people really do love you, and you’re popular. Coming out can change that. Even if you’re not gay and you say you were just experimenting, or you’re bi, people see you totally differently and you could end up like-” Donghyuk stops short to catch a breath. Rather, his breath actually catches itself in his throat and prevents him from finishing his thoughts. Junhoe’s expression shows that he’s already finished it for himself though.

 

“Like you.”

 

Donghyuk wordlessly allows his head to nod as an answer. The shadows quickly overtake Junhoe’s face as he stares down into his lap. For a long moment there’s a silence that engulfs the two as Junhoe just sits to think.

 

“Did people hurt you?”

 

“Huh?” - it was honestly not the first thing he expected to hear from Junhoe after the sickening silence.

 

“Did people hurt you after we... after we stopped being friends, after that..." Junhoe squeezes his eyes closed at the unwanted resurfacing of memories he'd rather not deal with. Not in front of Donghyuk, and certainly not now after he was done convincing himself that he had moved on. Instead, he focuses on a part that he wasn't aware of, "did people lay their hands on you? Because you’re gay?” It was sickening, but Junhoe felt like he knew the answer even before he finished his question.

 

“I-” Donghyuk closes his eyes and swallows, but he can feel his forehead creasing with tension as if the memories were a physical force ready to slam into him. Would there even be a point in lying? In saying that he was okay? Junhoe could probably still read people just as well as when he was a child, so he would have probably read the answer just from the silence. Not saying something, says a lot of things.

 

“Shit!” Junhoe bangs his right hand on the table and Donghyuk abruptly stands up, “I told you not to tighten your fist so much! You’ll keep opening wounds like this and you’ll never heal! You idiot!”

 

“That’s not the problem right now!” Junhoe yells gruffly while pulling away from Donghyuk’s frantic hands. Donghyuk’s already flying forward from momentum and Junhoe uses that to grab Donghyuk’s collar, drawing him up so they’re both standing face to face, a small square of black wood separating them. “The problem is that you’re scared of how people will react, but I’m not. You’re right. I’m an asshole, I’m an unfeeling bastard, I’m a jerk, but I’m a rich asshole. A rich unfeeling bastard. A rich jerk. I’ll wipe away the people I don’t care for, take them off the map. And right now? You lying about us when I gave you the chance to be honest? I don’t care for it one bit.”

 

It comes off threatening. In fact, Donghyuk, on instinct, whimpers in defeat like a cub caught by an alpha wolf. Still, as if to remind Donghyuk of who this man was - the man with really soft lips who liked to grip the back of your head softly as he kissed you - Junhoe allowed a glimpse of his true heart to shine through as he loosened his grip and let Donghyuk go.

 

“Don’t ever lie for me again. I can protect myself from whatever people think about me.”

 

* * *

 

**_Last Year of Middle School (9th Grade) - 1st day_ **

 

**_Location: YG High School for Boys and Girls_ **

 

_Ahhh middle school. Ahhh youth! There was a particularly lovey dovey, pink-light, sparkly buzz in the air for returning students. Winter break (the longest break for Korean Students) had ended, and smiles from old friends were everywhere along with the gentle breeze that carried the spring cherry blossom petals in their wake._

 

_School was a place of meeting. Meeting new friends, new opportunities, new classes, and of course new challenges. It was not an exaggeration to say that the education system in Korea was intense, especially for the elite. A third year elite? There was nothing more to uncover. Studying was their whole life! Some would snort and say that even monks had more fun than a third year middle school student whose whole live revolved around one goal - a good high school that would lead to a good college._

 

_However, it would truly be unfair to ask all of the youth to throw away their basic desires. They could forget about playing video games, watching movies, and doodling pictures for fun. Makeup? Forget about it! Just put on that sunscreen and go straight for the library! These things were relatively easier to give up than something like food, health, and (possibly) most important - love._

 

_“If you want to focus on your grades you must give up love!”_

 

_That’s what a lot of people (many grown ups, in fact) argued. But it wouldn’t be youth without a little rebellion and just enough cockyness to convince themselves they can do everything well, right?_

 

_That’s why the first day of school was especially important. It was confession day - a day that was tradition amongst YG High School. On that day even the timid boys and girls became suddenly bold! Even the popular pair that had been dancing around each other for months finally get together. The clueless are shocked while everybody else heave a sigh of relief and a loud ‘finally!’_

 

_The general idea was to get the confession out of the way and deal with whatever happens. No more ‘what if’s to distract from the rest of the school year! If the two work out and date, then that’s great! They can adjust schedules to meet up or study together instead of racking their brains for flirty comebacks. If a person was rejected that day then they’d get a pitiful pat on the back from friends who will shake their head while solmently delivering the truth - “guess we’ll focus on schooling this year!” Dating could wait for them._

 

_Donghyuk was both nervous and giddy as he walked ahead of Junhoe (who, knowing his plan, was walking a few steps behind with a disgusted look planted on his face.)_

 

_“You look like you’ll fly if your steps get any lighter,” Junhoe observes._

 

_Donghyuk huffs as he turns around to face Junhoe and his serious features. He wasn’t even teasing - he was just being mean! Donghyuk has no words for a man like that, so he turns around and simply yells back for Junhoe to put his long legs to good use and follow along before they’re late._

 

_“You’re really going to confess?” Junhoe yells._

 

_Donghyuk runs back the way he came so he could aim a kick for Junhoe’s shins, but the boy catches on too quickly and retracts his leg in a heartbeat while also bringing his hand up to quickly flick Donghyuk’s forehead._

 

_“Do you think I don’t know you, Kim Dongdong?”_

 

_“AHHH! KOO JUNHOE! CAN YOU SHUT UP? Why are you harassing me today?!”_

 

_Junhoe straightens up and keeps walking, ignoring Donghyuk’s question and his insistent babbling._

 

_“Answer my question,” Junhoe cuts off Donghyuk who finally quiets down to sip on the chocolate milk he had forgotten he was carrying._

 

_(‘Ahh! I forgot about this’ - ‘how do you forget something you’re holding?’ - ‘it’s the nerves!’)_

 

_“Yes. I’m going to do it. You’ll wish me luck, right?”_

 

_Junhoe pulls a face and Donghyuk’s immediately falls. “Why the hell would I wish you luck?”_

 

_“Why wouldn’t you?!” Donghyuk asks angrily, his eyebrows knitting together in genuine confusion._

 

_“I just… hate his guts! He’s seriously not a good guy, Dong. I looked into it!”_

 

_“Your hatred  never made sense to me! He’s always trying to be friendly with you, yet you’re the one who hates him. If it’s because others-”_

 

_“We’re here…” Junhoe glances at Donghyuk’s sullen expression and finally caves, “good luck. I hope you’re happy.”_

 

_Donghyuk beams at Junhoe with the radiance of a thousand suns converging into one place, “thank you! I hope so too!”_

 

* * *

 

_Donghyuk had always really hated the word ‘어장관리’ aka ‘taking care of the fishtank.’ It was the idea that those who didn’t draw lines and kept all these connections around them were like fishers. They’d toss in every fish into the tank, but never commit. Collecting was their hobby. Basically, they were jerks who went around tossing down hope and planting confusion, but never claiming just one fish._

 

_Donghyuk didn’t really believe such a person existed. His argument had always been that just because someone was nice to everybody it did not mean they harbored feelings for everybody as well (nor were they required to harbor such feelings)! He himself was very nice; that’s what people would tell him, anyway. He smiled to everyone he passed, nodded to people in the hallways, and handed out copies of study guides he made whenever a group asked for them. He worked diligently, was genuine to people, and usually the people around him had high praise to give him. He was not a fisherman, and he knew plenty of people like him existed. Sometimes they were mistaken as a fisherman with a tank, but really it was the other person who misunderstood, right?_

 

_That’s what he had thought. Even up to the day he went to confess, his stomach churned with excitement above all else. He was confident that the person he confessed to would like him back. They had given all the signs which replayed themselves in Donghyuk’s head as he walked towards the gymnasium. The final bell had rung, and all the people who were planning on confessions probably already had gotten the deed over with - but not Donghyuk. Donghyuk had waited. He waited until all classes ended, and then some more until ‘extra free study’ had ended as well. He always loved this time of day best. When the halls were practically empty as the truly studious ones were slowly packing up to leave. The sun would usually be a nice peachy glob in the sky that watered everything into warm pink tones making the air sparkle with romance. There was a hushed calm, the occasional shuffle of feet, some books being thumped onto a desk as one passed the library, a can of soda clunking as it fell from the vending machine. The school was alive but calm, and there was no better time to confess than now._

 

_Donghyuk had hunted down the special person during lunch, asking them to meet him in the gym at 5:00 sharp. Sneaking the sticky note to them had been so nerve racking that he almost asked Junhoe to do it for him, but Junhoe (as if reading his unvoiced thoughts) had shaken his head and firmly conclude that “you have to do this. Nobody else can.” Donghyuk nodded to himself before Junhoe smirked and added, “besides, if I gave it to them they’d think I was asking them to come to a fight. You really wanna confess to him while he’s holding a bat?”_

 

_Donghyuk giggled at the thought before quickly slapping Junhoe’s arm, “he’s not that kind of person!”_

 

_Indeed. He was so different from Koo Junhoe that Donghyuk sometimes wondered why the two had any beef. If anything, Junhoe probably started it. Donghyuk shakes his head fondly. Seriously. Koo Junhoe._

 

_This other person though - Donghyuk had known them just as long as he’s known Junhoe, but the two were worlds apart. Even the temperature of their gaze was different! Junhoe’s cold gaze would glare right through any obstacle in his way, yet his crush would smile warmly and his chocolate brown eyes felt like they were hugging you tightly in their warm embrace._

 

_His mind can’t help but go through a split screen comparison:_

 

_“I’m cold!” He would have to whine loudly for Junhoe to look up from his phone and shrug off his jacket to drop onto Donghyuk without a word._

 

_With him, it was different. Donghyuk would sniffle once too often, and he’d have a warm canned coffee pressed to his cheek, accompanied by a soft laugh. “You looked cold.”_

 

_That wasn’t the only time Donghyuk had felt like he was being taken care of - like he was truly being loved. There was the time he was running late to class and the boy had been on gate duty. “Hurry!” he had whispered, in his smooth (slightly raspy because it was the morning) voice, “go in while Mr. Shin’s back is turned!” Donghyuk had thanked him with a snack from the school store. The boy offered a wink and fished out a gummy to pop into Donghyuk’s mouth - “I only did it because it’s you.” It was the first time Donghyuk realized that the gummies from his school were that sweet._

 

_He remembers another heart fluttering moment when he had struggled to bring his classes notebooks and homework assignments to the teacher’s office. Out of nowhere, as if to rescue a certain weaker Donghyuk in distress, a pair of hands were scooping up the top of the stack. “To the teacher’s office?” - “Y-yeah!” Both the teacher and Donghyuk thanked him. “It’s my pleasure! It’s Donghyuk-ie~ If course I had to help!” This was all said while his hand ruffled the back of Donghyuk’s head. It was the first time Donghyuk realized that it could be natural for someone else to reach out and want to help him._

 

_Or there was a time when Donghyuk was peacefully going to eat in the school cafeteria when a bunch of good-for-nothing jocks (who Donghyuk didn’t even know too well) decided it would be fun to surround him and tug at his brown locks or swoop the glasses off his face. “You can stop calling him beautiful,” the voice sounded firm, without a hint of laughter, “he already knows it.” Donghyuk blushes while looking away - anywhere but at the chair opposite of him that was scraping against the floor and being occupied. “Get lost and go rinse your mouths. It looks like Mr. Shin got a report that certain students were smoking during break.” - “Ah shit!” As if they were a mere nightmare, the barbaric crowd dissipated and only the warm angle across from him remained, “Don’t let anybody else touch you like that, okay? You’re more precious than that.” Donghyuk mumbles that he’s not so sure, and the boy’s eyes widen in surprise, “You’re precious to me! You should see yourself through my eyes for a day!” Donghyuk blushes, but finally looks up to see those eyes he was talking about and almost forgets how to breath properly. “How do you see me?” Donghyuk asks, even though he can plainly see the shining light that reflects his image within those orbs. He smiles and even though those eyes disappeared into crescent moons, Donghyuk can still feel the answer - “I see you as… beautiful! My beautiful Donghyuk.” It was the first time Donghyuk realized, ‘ah shoot… this is my first love.’_

 

***

 

_“Hey!” Donghyuk finally opens the door to the empty gym and realizes that there is absolutely no backing out when he turns and grins._

 

_“Hey, you. Why’d you want to see me?”_

 

_Donghyuk does think that maybe the only flaw his crush has is being incredibly dense. But, that was endearing and something that he could live with at this point._

 

_“I wanted to tell you something.”_

 

_“Okay, Shoot!"_

 

_His words were always accompanied by a song-like laugh, and Donghyuk wanted to dance every time. He was literally holding himself back from twirling to the sound of his favorite music._

 

_“It’s confession day today,” Donghyuk slowly tests the waters and deep down he wonders if maybe opening up that fact will prompt the other to confess first. If Donghyuk had one romantic fantasy it was being confessed to instead of confessing. Something about being on the receiving end of a heartfelt speech of love made him happy just imagining it. A boy could dream!_

 

_“Ahh~ no wonder I’ve been getting so many confessions today! Did you get any confessions?”_

 

_Donghyuk blinked for a second because it was not the way he thought this would go. Still, he finds himself patiently answering the question despite knowing that dragging this game on would tire him out and make him blirt a very messy confession. Not like the one he planned very meticulously days in advance._

 

_“I didn’t.”_

 

_“Aww, I’m sorry!” And he sounded genuinely sorry which made Donghyuk’s hope skyrocket because ‘fool! You can change that!’ Donghyuk shouts._

 

_“Huh?”_

 

_“Did I… Did I just say that out loud?” Donghyuk bites his lips and internally groans watching as confusion and conflict takes over his face._

 

_“Donghyuk… what?”_

 

_“I like you!” Donghyuk grips his uniform desperately to prevent his hands from shaking and squeezes his eyes shut because the world spins in front of his eyes, “I know we’ve been friends forever, but I like you!”_

 

_Footsteps draw nearer and Donghyuk opens one eye to focus on his face, right in front of his own. A hand comes up to pat his cheek gently, and his eyes shake as they stare into Donghyuk’s - those big sparkling eyes that were always so nice to catch._

 

_“Donghyuk… I-I like you too -”_

 

_Donghyuk leans up onto his tiptoes to press his lips onto his. Relief hits him like a wave. Literally. It rushes over him and then right past him in a mere second as he’s being shoved away._

 

_The boy wipes his lips and spits desperately while groaning, “-as friends! I like you as a friend! What the hell, let me finish? You gross idiot!”_

 

_As high as the hope had soared, it all came crashing over his head. Donghyuk would believe someone if they told him he had been hit with a boulder because that was indeed what it felt like. There was nothing worse than the feeling of his lungs filling with reality. It weighed heavier than a hundred tons of water choking him out and dragging him down. He was just a fish - another silver fish in the tank who had foolishly thought it mattered. Just a display, flopping around with pretty scales as he watched from the other side. Feeding him hope. Changing the waters and tides with fresh new heart-fluttering words. Donghyuk would always just be a fish though, one that he would watch, but not claim. Maintain, but not hook._

 

_“But…”_

 

_To say he’s lost is an understatement. Donghyuk feels like he was just dropped off at a station in outer space and asked to navigate through a swirling milky way. His emotions were mixing, turning into each other and around each other all at once. He trembles with the sudden rejection that he could never have imagined. What hurts the most is the eyes. Those eyes that are squinted, wrinkled at the edges with disgust. The eyes that used to make him feel like he was worth protecting and beautiful were suddenly like jagged edges against his heart. The trembling won’t stop, and Donghyuk’s so taken aback he hadn’t even prepared tears when the boy walks out, still wiping his mouth and muttering about how ‘wack’ this all was._

 

_Only when the large door slams shut does Donghyuk allow himself to collapse onto the floor and start letting the sobs wrack through his body. Snot and tears and raw pain all flow out of him, splattering his uniform khakis and echoing off the empty walls._

 

_“I’ll kill him,” Junhoe huffs_

 

_Donghyuk jumps, startled by the sudden appearance._

 

_“J-june… June-ya!” Donghyuk sniffles before he lets a wail rip through his throat. He doesn’t know when Junhoe got there, but knowing him he had probably watched the whole thing from the second floor bleachers._

 

_“What do you want me to do, Donghyuk? Just say it and I’ll do it? Should I find him? Drag him back here?” Junhoe’s angrily ranting, yet his actions are all gentle. He pulls Donghyuk straight into his chest so he had something to lean on as he shook from the violent breaths and stinging tears flowing out of him. Junhoe’s hands came to rub soothingly down Donghyuk’s back, and eventually the threats started turning into reassuring shushes that were whispered into Donghyuk’s tousled brown hair._

 

_“What do you want me to do for you, hum? Kim Donghyuk, just say the word. Anything.” Donghyuk finally puts his chin on Junhoe’s chest and looks up to see the concerned expression etched onto Junhoe’s sharp features. “Anything,” Junhoe promises as he brings up a free hand to thumb the stray tears that were still drying on Donghyuk’s cheek._

 

_“Turn back time for me,” Donghyuk pouts, sniffling a watery cough._

 

_Junhoe smirks like it’s unbelievable what he just heard, and thuds his forehead heavily against Donghyuk who shoots up and glares at Junhoe. “You said to ask!”_

 

_“Do you think I’m the genie?” Junhoe asks. He stops and seriously looks at Donghyuk who clearly wasn’t in a joking mood._

 

_“Do you want to erase the confession? I could… cause an accident so bad he forgets about it, like, just give me a bat and an alibi and-”_

 

_“Koo Junhoe!” Donghyuk yells and Junhoe shrugs (he wasn’t completely joking either, although in his mind and his moral compass that was a definite X he really felt like whoever could cause the literal sunshine Donghyuk to lose his dimple smile deserved a bad concussion or two)._

 

_“I don’t want to erase the confession… maybe just… the *( &@” _

 

_Junhoe scratches the back of his head and leans in closer so his ear is almost directly in front of Donghyuk’s mouth, “the what? Speak clearly!”_

 

_“The kiss!” Donghyuk finally says while shoving Junhoe away from him, “that was my first kiss and it was absolutely terrible!”_

 

_Junhoe tilts his head and takes a good look at Donghyuk whose lips quiver with another wave of sadness. It was almost like the word ‘kiss’ had triggered another waterworks show, and Junhoe didn’t blame Donghyuk. He was a much more emotional and sentimental guy; to have the first kiss taken by a person who rejected him in the worst way would no doubt really be scaring and terrible. Actually, the more Junhoe thought about it the more infuriated he got. He could only imagine Donghyuk’s pain._

 

_“I know first love is supposed to be a bittersweet memory and it’s not supposed to last, but I thought that at least we would have some memories together, and not just me analyzing everything he did and every text he sent! It was just me being happy on my own, a lover on my own, an absolute fool! And then I had to be stupid and go in for that kiss instead of listening to his words all the way and now every time I think of that ‘first kiss’ no matter how many years have passed it will--”_

 

_Junhoe can’t stand it. The thought of Donghyuk having to think of that bastard and his awful words, his tone, his cowardly being every time the words ‘first kiss’ are mentioned. It was unfair. Why should that guy have the honor of being Donghyuk’s first kiss when he couldn’t even handle the thought? Donghyuk’s lips were super soft, they tasted like the honey chapstick that he always carried around in his pocket, plus the chocolate milk he seemed to live off of. His lips didn’t move, but Junhoe had to smile at that because he did kind of swoop in while Donghyuk was in mid rant. Junhoe pulls away to stare at a flabbergasted Donghyuk who slowly let’s his mouth open, but only lets a few squeaky noises of surprise escape._

 

_“It’s a cancel kiss. Your first kiss is void because I took it away from you, so forget about him. Okay?”_

 

_“J-junhoe… why would you…?”_

 

_Junhoe lifts his hand and puts it back to where it belongs, right behind Donghyuk’s head. His fingers naturally card into the fluffy brown hair and he stares at Donghyuk willing him to take these next words to heart, “because an asshole like Jung Jinhyeong doesn’t deserve to be your first kiss, so I’m canceling his kiss.”_

 

_Donghyuk grips Junhoe’s tie and quickly leans forward to leave a transient peck onto Junhoe’s lips, “Thank you.”_

 

_Only when Donghyuk flutters his eyes open and sheepishly smiles in thanks does Junhoe cough and awkwardly get up, offering a hand to pull Donghyuk up as well._

 

_“Your ears are super red,” Donghyuk points out, first with concern because Junhoe doesn’t look too good._

 

_“Shut up.”_

 

_Unlike the other boys around him though, Donghyuk wasn’t dense or missing any brain cells and he grins wide “Was that your first kiss?!” Donghyuk screeches, unable to believe that Koo Junhoe (the man with arguably the most sought after lips) had kissed him first._

 

_“Duh? Like who else…” Junhoe turns and stalks towards the door while ignoring Donghyuk’s laugher, “whatever! Let’s go home!”_

 

_“Junhoe!” Donghyuk runs after him and happily swings his arm over Junhoe’s shoulder. It was convenient being around the same height. “You should have saved your first kiss!”_

 

_“Why?” Junhoe mutters, his head down and footsteps suspiciously fast._

 

_Donghyuk shrugs, “Just cause... I’m sorry.”_

 

_“Aish,” Junhoe turns to adjust his backpack he had picked up from the hall, “for what? You’re making no sense.”_

 

_“For making you use your first kiss on comforting your best friend.”_

 

_Junhoe sighs and shrugs off Donghyuk’s arm, “It’s fine... As long as you’re not sobbing like the world is ending, I’m fine, so don’t be sorry.”_

 

_It’s the first time Donghyuk realizes that his best friend is actually a very warm person, just on the inside. “Thank you, there’s no other best friend like you!” Donghyuk happily chirps._

 

_“Same…” Junhoe can agree that there is truly no other like Kim Donghyuk._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think, my dear readers? Is it all going too fast, or should I start incorporating more flashbacks into the past?!
> 
> I do want to do a whole chapter in all Koo Junhoe's perspective because this guy is so confusing. He hates Jinhyeong's guts, he also seemingly hates Donghyuk (because he's always being gruff and a big meany), but he clearly at one point CARED =.= what about NOW Junhoe?! Why are you confusing
> 
> (Please don't be confused, I am indeed the writer of this story, but I don't know where I'm going with it~ hence, all the questions.)


	7. Tomorrow I hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I apologize this is so late  
> Before, I was having some personal problems and then the whole incident with our dear leader happened  
> But I am back to writing and my dear Hanbin will NOT be excluded from my fic!!
> 
> (I said OT7 or nothing!)
> 
> I know this chapter is kinda confusing ;^^ there will be more flashbacks and more from Junhoe's POV in the upcoming chapters!

“Do we have to stay like this?” Donghyuk mutteres.

 

Junhoe’s nose digs deeper into his chest, and of all the things he could be thinking of right now, Donghyuk worries that Junhoe can smell his fear. The harsh thumping in his chest and the shortness of his breath. Junhoe always had a bit of an animalistic vibe to him - from the way his muscles rippled (even the smaller ones), how he could smell food from a mile away, and even his pointed gaze that seemed to always hunt for some weakness within the room.

 

“Shut up and keep going,” Junhoe mutters harshly. As if Donghyuk really had a choice. He feels like he specifically remembers that he only really has to do what Junhoe cannot with his right hand, but somehow they had both naturally accepted that he was pretty much just a servant? Maid? No. Babysitter. That was the right word. Donghyuk sniggers in amusement at his own thoughts before Junhoe asks him what’s so funny.

 

“You’re like a big baby,” Donghyuk states blalently as he shifts his position. Junhoe follows along like a magnet, curling right into him as Donghyuk continues to run his fingers soothingly into Junhoe’s hair and pull him tighter into the embrace. Junhoe hums, too tired to even complain at the ‘insult’ thrown his way. “I can’t believe this still helps you sleep.”

 

Junhoe’s breathing has already started to flatten into a nice pace, but Donghyuk still manages to catch the soft, “only when you do it” that was soon followed by a snore.

 

The night had been confusing. That was one thing for sure. Donghyuk still had stacks upon stacks of things he resented Junhoe for. However, perhaps Junhoe felt the same way. Donghyuk couldn’t possibly imagine, nor had he ever taken the time to imagine, how Junhoe would have felt about… the things that happened in their past. In fact, Donghyuk had always thought of himself as the saint when it came to anything related to Junhoe. He wanted to keep hating Junhoe, to maximize the pain he could give to Junhoe, to really ruin Junhoe and see him at his worse. But Junhoe was making it awfully difficult for him when they were like this, snuggled together under the cover of his ginormous mattress as he reassuringly kept Junhoe’s nightmares away. Just like old times. Was this what Junhoe had wanted all along? To mend the relationship he had broken in the first place?

 

Donghyuk remembers the things he endured for Junhoe. No. The things he endured because of Junhoe. The embarrassment, the humiliation. More than anything, he remembers the countless gazes that kept him up at night. From disdain to disinterest. It had happened so suddenly that Donghyuk felt Junhoe slip from him. The person he once knew everything about became an untouchable stranger right in front of him. It drove Donghyuk crazy because it wasn’t distance that separated them. It was more. But he never found out what it was. What had driven Junhoe away? Junhoe kept that answer to himself, and perhaps Donghyuk resented being left in the dark.

 

In retrospect, and maybe it was the booze plus Junhoe’s soft snores that were making him emotional, but Donghyuk knows he has a lot more to thank Junhoe for than hate him for. In fact, as an adult now, Donghyuk realizes that maybe he was expecting too much from someone who already gave him an awful lot.

 

After all, the very moment his life turned around forever, it was all thanks to Koo Junhoe.

 

* * *

 

 

Memories were a scary thing because unlike old photographs, rolled up film, and scratched tapes, some of them refused to fade away.

 

Junhoe tries hard to actually fall asleep. He really does. However, listening to Donghyuk muse to himself about their past forces Junhoe to retreat into much simpler times that were always swimming around inside of him. He wants to hate Donghyuk for abandoning him after everything he gave to him. As an adult now though, Junhoe admits that maybe the way he acted had only pushed Donghyuk from him. Perhaps it had only quickened what was inevitably supposed to happen.

 

  _Junhoe was obviously disobeying by running ahead of his nanny and Jinhyeong when he spots the crouched figure on the corner. He would have kept running without noticing if it wasn’t for the soft humming that was coming out of the boy’s mouth. The noise was pleasant and light and absolutely angelic. Junhoe had never heard another boy his age sound so good before. As if drawn to the lovely voice, Junhoe approaches quickly before they could disappear without a trace._

 

_“What are you doing here?” Junhoe had asked. The boy looks up from doodling in the dirt, startled and gaping as if he were surprised someone had deliberately went out of their way to strike up a conversation. Unlike Junhoe himself, who was dressed in a bright matching training outfit that was meticulously put together for him to wear this morning by several servants, this boy was dressed in tattered pieces of cloth that ruffled in the autumn wind. He was also missing a shoe. Junhoe wanted to take off his own red sneakers and offer them, but the boy’s feet looked tiny compared to his own. Plus, Junhoe was suddenly very self conscious that his feet would stink if he slipped off his shoe, and the boy would be disgusted._

 

_“Sorry…” The boys speaks quietly and with his head down, like he truly means what he says. Like he actually had something to apologize for. He gets up like he’s about to leave and Junhoe’s actions happen faster than he could formulate words. He didn’t even notice when or how or why, but when Junhoe comes to he notices he’s gripping the boy’s shoulder. The boy pulls away shock and some type of concern riddling his face, but for what? Junhoe is unsure._

 

_“I didn’t ask you to apologize, I asked what you were doing.”_

 

_The boy looks like he was stung by Junhoe’s words, and Junhoe wishes he could sound nicer. In his mind he practices being more soft like the boy in question himself._

 

_“B...begging…” he speaks, barely above a whisper. His voice is so hushed the sound of stray cars passing by on their luxury wheels drowns him out._

 

 _“What? Speak clearly.” Junhoe doesn’t mean it to come out clipped, but it’s how he was taught to talk since he_ **_could_ ** _talk. By this time, his nanny has caught up and comes to stand by his side patiently, but Junhoe barely has the mind to acknowledge her presence. He wishes the boy would speak up again, but his nanny interrupts the conversation suddenly, “young master he-”_

 

_“Shh…” Junhoe is quite peeved and worried the boy will stop acknowledging them if an adult comes in.  “He can speak for himself.” Junhoe knows his words are sharp, definite, but he makes sure to try and bundle some softness to them. He wishes he could instill some comfort into the boy and allow him to confidently state his business._

 

_The boy hesitates for a second and Junhoe’s about to give up resuming their pleasantries when suddenly the thin voice admits, “I was begging.”_

 

_“Why?” The question comes almost immediately. Junhoe’s not sure why he asked it exactly, and it seems the boy’s not sure how to answer. Perhaps not everything had to have a reason. Junhoe puts his hands up, ready to wave them about and say it’s okay if the boy didn’t explain when a very straightforward reply comes shooting his way, flying past his palms, and lodges itself into Junhoe’s chest._

 

_“We need money. We don’t have a place to live.”_

 

_Junhoe’s dumbfounded and not sure how to react to the fact that some people, kids his age, in this country that he’s heard was the ‘greatest’ and ‘successfully booming’ didn’t have things he considered the absolute ‘basics’ for survival._

 

_“We’re saving for a house.”_

 

_The boy looks ready and posed to sprint away when Junhoe once again reaches out, this time with purpose, to latch onto him. Junhoe keeps his hand on the boy’s shoulder because he’s afraid that letting go would mean never seeing this poor friend again._

 

_“Stay with us then.” Junhoe doesn’t have to think twice for this statement to come out, he really wanted it with everything he had. He was willing to open up his doors and his safe roof and all his space to this beautiful boy with his soft voice and large, round, innocent eyes._

 

_“HUH?!” The boy screams._

 

 

_Junhoe beams, his eyes turning into crescent moons, because the boy finally showed more emotion than meekness. “I said you should live with us! Come on!" Junhoe moves his hand down so it's clutching the other boy’s._

 

_Junhoe then remembers that he forgot about his friend. Jinhyeong. Junhoe waves him over and Jinhyeong steps out of the shadows to approach. The way he stares at the boy holding Junhoe’s hand, with a little bit of suspicion and a hint of distaste is evident. Junhoe’s smile slips away and is covered with a cold mask that warns Jinhyeong not to be rude to his new friend._

 

_"You're really taking him home?" Jinhyeong asks tentatively, too afraid to actually question Junhoe and piss him off, but really curious._

 

_"Of course! Now shut up and introduce yourself to... to... uhh," It’s only then that Junhoe realizes he doesn’t even know the boy’s name._

 

_Thankfully, the boy is tactful and can read the atmosphere quickly enough, “Donghyuk,” he helpfully supplies._

 

_"Donghyuk! Introduce yourself to Donghyuk,” Junhoe prompts Jinhyeong to go ahead and tacks on the following command, “be nice to him~ he's living with me now!"_

 

When the memory naturally fizzles out as a small dot within his mind Junhoe finally opens his eyes to stare at Donghyuk, who he knows has been looking down at him for a while now.

 

“Can we go back to what we were before?” Junhoe asks. He’s serious. In fact, he’s never been more serious in his life. They say once you know something’s gone it becomes more precious. Junhoe doesn’t know why he didn’t take those words to heart beforehand, but the past few years when Donghyuk was out of his home, out of his life, and out of his reality were some of the hardest years he endured. All by himself.

 

He had always thought he was the one who saved and protected and was there for Donghyuk.

 

As if it were a rude awakening, after Donghyuk left him he realized that maybe Donghyuk was actually the one who was there for him all along.

 

Junhoe learned from a young age to never admit fault, and to never apologize first. In fact, he knows that the hardest words to pronounce in any country are the words ‘I’m sorry-’ yet

 

“I’m sorry, Dong… let’s go back.”

 

Donghyuk is startled that:

 

  1. Koo Junhoe is still awake and
  2. He, one of the most stubborn and prideful men of their country, apologized. First.



 

But what scares him the most is how willing he is to just let it all go and start anew with him.

 

“Okay… go back to what we were before.”

 

“What we were before,” Junhoe muses. Tired. “What were we before?”

 

He’s asking what he is to Donghyuk.

 

A master? The one who saved his life from being a sad and maybe criminal short story? A same aged friend?

 

“We were…”

 

“Don’t. Don’t actually answer that.”

 

Junhoe digs his head into the warm fabric of Donghyuk’s cheap cotton shirt and wills himself to fall asleep. He doesn’t want to hear an answer. It was always like this. He never let Donghyuk drop the answer and say the words.

 

Why?

 

Because he feels like if he hears the words “we’re best friends” one more time it’ll actually mean something. That it’ll somehow solidify exactly what their relationship amounts to. It’ll draw the lines and fold the creases and precisely shape the corners trapping him in the role forever. He’s scared. Koo Junhoe is scared of being stuck there in that state of ‘so close’ yet ‘not enough.’ As someone who was never ‘not enough’ in anything it drove him insane that for the one person he wanted… for Kim Donghyuk it had always been just:

 

‘BEST FRIEND’

 

When he wakes up tomorrow Junhoe wants to have hope.

 

Junhoe claims he killed all hope that day in the summer before the last year of middle school. At the exact moment when Donghyuk confessed that he **_like_ **liked Jung Jinhyeong, Junhoe closed his eyes, counted to ten, and killed whatever ‘what if’ and dream he had been festering since Day 1.

 

But.

 

If he’s being honest with himself for the first time in years,

 

Hope is not an easy thing to kill.

 

It’s relentless. Persistent. Every time Junhoe tries to put it down it rears its ugly head and feeds him. Donghyuk would smile next to that good-for-nothing bastard and Junhoe thinks maybe Donghyuk isn’t anything to him. He’s just another one of those guys who’s attracted to Jinhyeong’s fakeass lovely eye smile. Then Donghyuk cries and each tear he wipes is like a drop of holy water that helps nurture the hope within Junhoe.

 

Maybe Donghyuk will finally turn around and see him. See that he was always standing, waiting, growing feelings he knows are dangerous and wishing for just one more glance. Maybe he’ll finally stand a chance. Him. Koo Junhoe and his blunt words and cold glare and unreadable expressions. Maybe Donghyuk will choose him.

 

Everybody knows how that went.

 

Donghyuk eventually chooses Jung Jinhyeong.

 

The day he moved out without a word, Koo Junhoe stands on the rooftop of his building and claims, again, that he’s killed all hope. At that time, it was a better alternative than killing himself. He had thought.

 

Donghyuk moved to live with Jinhyeong and they went to a different high school.

 

Is it because Donghyuk didn’t know the truth? Is it really because Junhoe changed so much that he would inflict physical pain onto his enemy and give Jinhyeong a scar that Donghyuk couldn’t ignore? Is it because Donghyuk pitied Jinhyeong who was indeed, thrown against a hospital window so hard he almost flew out and shattered the pane?

 

Junhoe already knows Donghyuk’s answer.

 

In fact, if he were Donghyuk, he probably would have done the same thing.

 

Despite the pain of rejection and despite the mean actions, Jinhyeong’s apology and regret seemed sincere enough. If he were Donghyuk, he would have forgiven Jinhyeong and happily moved on with him too. After all, Jinhyeong and his unbelievably crafted lies were way sweeter than Junhoe’s attitude.

 

Junhoe’s misplaced anger.

 

Junhoe’s bad calculations.

 

Junhoe never blamed Donghyuk.

 

Junhoe never would hate Donghyuk.

 

He was hurt by Donghyuk. True. He felt betrayed. But even that was only momentarily. At his core, Junhoe knows he could never unlove Kim Donghyuk. No matter what Donghyuk did, and how hard it was for Junhoe to swallow the reality that only he fully understood. Junhoe knows he brought it upon himself and the only way he could possibly cope with the thought of being alone, loving him alone, watching him move on from behind, was to pretend like he resented him.

 

Because Junhoe didn’t want to resent himself and face the truth.

 

It was all misguided rage - which was why he apologized first.

 

It was his fault, anyway.

 

When they wake up tomorrow. Junhoe hopes Donghyuk will have really forgiven him for becoming what he was today.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's no surprise that Junhoe's always loved Donghyuk, right?
> 
> Why'd Donghyuk leave then?
> 
> That's a little complicated, but I'll see you very soon with chapter 8!


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